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Your Best Sex Life with Dr. Laura Berman

1. Dr Berman Right Oprah and still calling it down there Dr Berman Right Oprah Yes Dr Berman And have never looked at themselves and it s because they re still we unless you the first step is to stop and recognize what those messages are where they came from and decide whether you re ready to let them go or not Because usually once you you say Oh yeah that s my mom speaking You know here I am a 50 year old woman Is that what I believe Oprah Yeah Dr Berman No that s not what I believe Oprah Yeah women live and die and have never seen their vulva OPRAH COM Page 5 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeSTLIFe series Your Sex Life Dr Berman Good girl Vulva Oprah Vulva Number 4 go to the doctor Problems in the bedroom could be a medical issue Dr Berman Yes Oprah Particularly you know we just did the bioidentical show yesterday Dr Berman I know Oprah Which we re going to re air this Thursday because so many people didn t see it It was preempted because of the plane rescue But so many women when they get older have a dryness in the vagina and Dr Berman Yes Oprah their and sex is painful Dr Berman Right Oprah And so they re just Dr Berman Sex is painful Their libido goes down So they have the dryness they have lack of genital sensation They have low libido All of that can be related to hormones Oprah Yes Dr Berman Especially if you
2. Dr Berman That s right That s right And especially in your relationship because what happens when sex isn t working you re not allies in the same way Oprah You re not connected Dr Berman You re not connected in the same way so everything suffers in ways that you may not even recognize at first Oprah Yeah Yeah And so I just you know I always worry about this for people who come on the show I mean I really do I mean you all were so open about this and we re still at a point in our country where it s still sort of not taboo because this generation is far more open bit But it s hard to go back home and then there you are in the Kroger Store or Whole Foods and everybody says Oh you re the woman on that was on Oprah and you never had an orgasm in 24 years So did you have to deal with any of that Luanne Yeah a little bit We went to a quite a large party the next night and there was I felt a little bit of judgment from a few of the a few of like an older generation of of people that were OPRAH COM Page 13 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeESTLIFe series Your Sex Life there But for the most part you know it was it was a pretty pretty positive feedback you know I I felt you know I m really proud of what we did Oprah Yeah Luanne I really am because it was really it was healthy for me Oprah Yeah Luanne So I had to go with with that Oprah I think it s healthy for you if
3. Your Sex Life that make it sex toy night you know or play night or experimentation night and I I even have couples who I ve had do a fantasy box so they each write down all the fantasies they would want to act out together and put them in a box and from time to time they pull one out and act it out So this is sort of the same thing Oprah Well I think they ve already listen you guys seem to have already set the mood there Dr Berman Yeah Oprah You ve got the fireplace going You re holding hands snuggled up in front of the fire Dr Berman Yeah you re ready Lisa No the kids are coming back home Oprah The kids are coming back home Well thanks Lisa and Bill But she s right There needs to be a language for Dr Berman Yes Oprah How do you even integrate this Dr Berman Right Oprah I like that idea of the night stand Dr Berman Yeah and we have a lot of these ideas conversation starters on Oprah com too Oprah It s hard to get that big whatchamacallit thing Dr Berman The Aphrodite Oprah The Aphrodite in the night stand Dr Berman Yeah you need a big drawer for that one That might go in your a lot of women keep that in their bra or underwear drawer Oprah Okay Dr Berman for special occasions Oprah Skyping in from Orange County girlfriends Laura Brooke Camille and Patience OPRAH COM Page 31 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeSTLIFe series Your Sex Life Camille
4. Dr Berman Yeah she does a lot of waxing and women will gets hearts made or initials Oprah People Mimi you re on TV now Mimi No I m not Oprah Yeah you are right now You re on the Web And so what is the most poplar requested hairstyle as Joy was talking about I didn t know there were hairstyles Mimi No we don t do hairstyles We do a Brazilian bikini wax but Oprah Brazilian is everything gone right Mimi No actually Brazilian you leave a a landing strip Dr Berman Yeah Mimi And then if you want a full Brazilian then you take everything off Oprah Okay Mimi Yes But a Brazilian has a landing strip Oprah But I heard some women get like hearts and things Dr Berman Yeah Or flowers or initials Oprah You can get your husband s initials you can get your husband s initials for Valentine s Day Dr Berman Yeah Oprah That s nice Dr Berman Or put a little decal a little temporary tattoo there OPRAH COM Page 40 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeSTLIFe series Your Sex Life Oprah This is clearly one of those things I am telling you to do that I won t be doing But no I think so the most requested is a Brazilian A little landing strip Mimi or all the way Mimi All the way Oprah All the way And is that because they re wearing bikinis and going on vacation or just Mimi Not at all Because the bikinis aren t that small that they re going to see you re coming out of it It
5. Sarah and Valerie Valerie I have never tried anal sex I m terrified of it And how do I do this Or how do I at least get comfortable enough to try it Dr Berman Right Well first of all you re not you re certainly not required to try it But it does seem to be something that s on the wish list of a lot of men to try Oprah Why Why Why do men Dr Berman It s taboo It s fascinating to them It s exciting It s you know forbidden it s Oprah Painful Dr Berman Well very tight Oprah Okay Dr Berman For lack of a better word OPRAH COM Page 44 of 61 OPRAH COM pds BESTLIFE series Your Sex Life Oprah I d say I d say Kegel yourself Dr Berman Yeah Kegel yourself and then it will be tight But yes So the main thing is the relaxation So if you re anxious about it first of all the anus doesn t have natural lubricant so like the vagina does So you want to have a lot a lot a lot of lubricant and you also need to have I believe a tremendous amount of trust because the second you tense it s almost impossible to do So it requires a lot of relaxation a lot of comfort a lot of trust and a lot of lubricant And a and a lot of care You want to go very slowly You may want to start with a finger first and work your way up to his penis I mean you you definitely some women really if they want to do it and that s assuming they want to you really have to work your way into it But women
6. and it clearly is very different Very different Dr Berman Yeah Oprah Than you know it has been And so do you do you talk about this amongst yourselves Valerie We do Sarah All the time Rusty Yeah Oprah You do Sarah Yeah we do Dr Berman And they want it They want the answers They want the information And what I think is SO great is that women this is the shift is that women are feeling it s not just about like what they need to do to get by in the relationship or to satisfy him or get him off her back Oprah That s right Dr Berman It s time to embrace my own pleasure What do I want sexually Oprah That s what I love about it because this generation of 30 year olds they are certainly not going to go 24 years faking an orgasm Dr Berman No no the majority of them are not Oprah So when you heard earlier when you heard earlier when we first opened the show and there was Luanne and Gerald and obviously you saw the show last week what did you thing being when you saw Luanne who had been in a marriage a loving relationship with Gerald all these years and she had been faking it and had never had an orgasm What did you guys think OPRAH COM Page 47 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeSTLIFe series Your Sex Life Valerie I felt bad for her I really felt sad because I always thought as a woman it s your responsibility to own your own orgasm That when you re having sex Oprah That s a t
7. First of all 10 years ago we would not have been able to have this conversation Dr Berman No Oprah Anywhere except on some I don t know where we could even Dr Berman No Oprah have had this conversation And it clearly is a difference in the 30 year old generation and my generation because I m you know going to be 55 in a week or so and your comfortability with expressing it Because truly I am very uncomfortable with this conversation Dr Berman Yeah Yeah Oprah Mm hmm Dr Berman It s certainly not something you re used to talking about Oprah No Just the word anus makes me kind of tense Dr Berman Well then I wouldn t try recommending anal sex right now Oprah You don t have to worry about me No And then she just so freely said anal sex I mean I have to tell you I have to tell you Dr Berman Which is a great thing Oprah I thought I was pretty sexually liberated I really did Dr Berman You don t have to be liberated about everything OPRAH COM Page 46 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeSTLIFe series Your Sex Life Oprah Yes But I just could not be discussing I really commend you for being able to be and this is where we re headed in the world Dr Berman Right Oprah And I really do embrace the fact that it s our bodies and there s nothing wrong with our bodies that we should be able to talk about it But it just clearly is as you all can see I m a little uncomfortable
8. Okay Oprah I was going to look I was going to see if I could find the CAT Dr Berman The CAT Oprah But even if we saw it I wasn t going to show it Dr Berman I don t know if Oprah The lawyers won t like that I don t see it here The CAT But it s in here Dr Berman Yeah it s in there Oprah Just look at the index Very stimulating Thank you ladies Thank you very much David from Georgia is on the phone They look so good sitting all lined up there in the green Dr Berman Yeah OPRAH COM Page 33 of 61 OPRAH COM pds BESTLIFE series Your Sex Life Oprah On the phone David David Hi Oprah Oprah Hi David How are you doing David Yes Hi Dr Berman Hey listen I love my wife We have good sex now But I d like for it to be a little bit better She likes it to be hard fast and furious but I climax way before she has a chance to achieve orgasm Oprah Mm hmm David Are there any kind of ways I can train myself so I have more endurance and staying power Oprah Yeah Kegels for men Dr Berman Kegels for men That s a big part of it Using to use your muscle control and your breath So what I recommend is that when you do it on your own through self stimulation and if 10 is orgasm you know the point of no return you get yourself to a 7 and then either stop you know or squeeze those muscles and use your breath and bring yourself back down to a 4 out of 10 And then get yourself bac
9. Yourself Marsha Well well it goes against what I believe in I am dating right now so I do have somebody in my life Just not believing in casual sex Dr Berman Well do you believe in self stimulation Is that okay Marsha Well for me I believe sex is a spiritual act as well as physical Dr Berman Right So OPRAH COM Page 15 of 61 OPRAH COM pds BESTLIFE series Your Sex Life Oprah So what does that mean You can t touch yourself Marsha Well I guess it doesn t mean that but I I prefer like the real thing I prefer to be with someone Dr Berman Right Marsha And have that contact with another person Dr Berman Absolutely I totally understand that And I also understand the sense I m getting is that if you re going to have sex with another person you want that to be in a very committed or loving relationship in a way that sort of fits within your moral values I will say that I work with so many women who have very strong religious and moral values and just by rote without really thinking it through have just assumed that self stimulation is wrong And what I find is when we go down the path and I encourage you to do this too Marsha when you go down the path and really think about it there is and maybe even talk to your pastor or your or someone that you trust about this as well What I have found talking to as many religious leaders as I have that especially if you re alone and not in a rel
10. body Marsha Well I have considered asking him that question but I m just too embarrassed Oprah I think that s a hard question to go to your pastor and ask Dr Berman It is Oprah I really would just like we were talking on the show during a commercial break today The Oprah Show about how it s easier to say the word uterus than it is to say the word vagina it s easier to say I massage my foot than massage my vulva Dr Berman That s right Oprah But it s all your body So what s the difference Dr Berman It s all your body Oprah So what s the difference when I massage my breasts then I massage my elbow Dr Berman I have women who won t give themselves breast exams because they feel like that might be too close to self stimulation Oprah Oh boy OPRAH COM Page 18 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeESTLIFeE series Your Sex Life Dr Berman So it s an important question and maybe if there s some religious leaders watching this call in Let us know what you think because Oprah Thank you Marsha Marsha Oprah I want to thank you for being an inspiration to me since I was 10 years old and I m so thankful for this moment Oprah And how old are you now Marsha I m 33 Oprah Wow So you ve grown up watching The Oprah Show Marsha Yes I have Oprah Thank you Marsha This is a dream come true for me Oprah Thank you Marsha from Toronto Thank you Marsha Okay thank you Opr
11. com and he the first word he put in was penis And we said all this on the air because you can say penis on TV Dr Berman Yeah Oprah And then Ali asked him Why didn t you put in the word vagina And he said I actually did And we were then talking during the commercial break with the audience and we were talking about how some words we re more comfortable with than others Dr Berman Right OPRAH COM Page 3 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeSTLIFe series Your Sex Life Oprah The vagina word just uncomfortable It s easier to say penis than it is to say vagina Dr Berman Right Right Oprah And it s easier to say uterus than to say vagina And we were saying that uterus because it s all you know connected to the whole woman s Dr Berman Baby yeah Oprah Babies and all of that Is a lot easier to say than vagina Dr Berman Right Oprah Is that because Dr Berman Or vulva Oprah Oh vulva You re going there Dr Berman I m going there Every time with you Oprah Every time Woo Okay Dr Berman Yeah It is you know and it s it s not I remember when I first started talking about this on television it was back gosh in 97 98 and I think it was I was doing the nightly news and they said to me We don t want you to say the word clitoris Oprah Yes Dr Berman And I said Could I say penis And they said Yes you can say penis But I couldn
12. first Oprah So this is just for Kegel Dr Berman For Kegels Oprah Now that looks like it could also be some kind of Dr Berman It can be yes some women use this for sexual stimulation as well Oprah Okay Okay So it s Kegel and or Dr Berman And or anything else you use Oprah Did that help you Alice Alice Yes it did Thank you OPRAH COM Page 23 of 61 OPRAH COM pds BESTLIFE series Your Sex Life Oprah I m so happy we did Dr Berman Kegel exercises Oprah Okay So you could be Kegeling all day Dr Berman Traffic lights At your desk I have a a woman who told me she when she goes on road trips she does Kegels every mile sign She does 10 Kegels Oprah So in the end that makes for what better Dr Berman It makes for better sex An orgasm is basically an intense contraction and release of muscle tension So if your pelvic floor muscles are part of what contract and release during orgasm the stronger they are the more intense those contractions are going to be so I have women do Kegels who either can t reach orgasm their orgasms are less intense they want to reach orgasm during intercourse and of course to avoid incontinence Oprah So let s say you Kegel d for a week Dr Berman Yeah I would say in two weeks you could see a huge difference Oprah In your Dr Berman In your sexual response especially if you use them during penetration during intercourse you l
13. going to have a job tomorrow So I would say yes to that Dr Berman Yeah Yeah And some men actually I mean this is an aside It s probably the financial in your case But some men also once their wives have children and if they watched the childbirth will have a plummet in their in their desire as well Oprah Yeah we did that on the show Dr Berman Yeah Oprah With the guy who said Once I saw that it was just really hard to see it any other way Heather That s interesting because he did he held my left thigh while we were delivering my baby So that would be a good question Dr Berman Yeah ask him Oprah Yeah Ask him Yeah Because did you see that show we had I can t remember the guy s name who said he was Dr Berman It was Shawn and Kerrie Oprah He was never the same Dr Berman He had watched the childbirth and he could never look at her genitals the same Yeah Oprah Yeah So that s why it s good for a lot of men who may feel that way to stay up top Dr Berman Stay by the shoulder and look over the shoulder OPRAH COM Page 56 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeESTLIFeE series Your Sex Life Oprah Stay by the shoulder and look over the shoulder Dr Berman Not down at the thigh Heather Dr Berman you had also mentioned that if the testosterone levels are different could that be something that could happen to someone Dr Berman Yeah Heather Like in their 30s Dr Berman Us
14. is Dr Berman Okay The Kegel muscles are the muscles that surround the you know basically they run in a figure eight around your vagina and anus and they re the muscles that you use Oprah That s another word Hard word Dr Berman Anus Oprah Hard Dr Berman And they they are the muscles that you use to stop the flow of urine That s how you identify them Oprah That s right When you yeah Dr Berman When you stop Oprah When you re in traffic and you ve got to go really bad and you re squeezing it you re squeezing the Kegel Dr Berman That s right OPRAH COM Page 20 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeSTLIFe series Your Sex Life Oprah Okay Dr Berman So when you exercise them you don t want to do that during urination because you might cause a urinary tract infection But you do want to exercise your Kegels several hundred times a day both to avoid incontinence leaking when you cough or sneeze Oprah Get out You said that Dr Berman Yes And Oprah A hundred times a day Dr Berman Yeah but you can you do them I know you can do 10 in 10 seconds Do them right now Oprah Okay I will Go ahead Dr Berman So while I m talking do your Kegels You should do them slow and fast Oprah Indicating Dr Berman And you don t have to make faces so no one has to know you re doing them Oprah Indicating Dr Berman But you want to squeeze you want to squeeze and rel
15. it was healthy for you that s really great That makes me even feel better And also liberating for you But liberating for so many others who maybe couldn t take a step as big as coming on The Oprah Show or making a Skype call to us But having seen you hearing the story about 24 years and faking orgasms and now knowing where you are can be freed themselves to be truthful Luanne Yeah It s you know I felt like you know if someone can t look me in the eye again that s okay You know it s not something I did It s just that if they re not okay with it that s fine You know my my family s been the worst That s what s really been interesting is my my family s reaction has been Oprah Like what Gerald Except for your sister Luanne Except my one sister Yeah they were not you know they weren t they weren t very Dr Berman That s not surprising Oprah Laura says that s not surprising Why Laura Dr Berman That s part of the reason Luanne was where she was Oprah Oh Dr Berman Because of that kind of restricted shame around sexuality So here she is going on The Oprah Show talking about sex Oprah Good point Good point Dr Berman You know they re going to they re going to have a negative reaction OPRAH COM Page 14 of 61 OPRAH COM pds BESTLIFE series Your Sex Life Oprah Good point Good point Dr Berman Yeah Oprah Well thank you so much Luanne and Gerald Thank you Good
16. judging yourself and what s really going on is that somebody from earlier in your life is judging you and you ve taken that on yourself So about your sexuality So there s some key people or person in your life that played a fundamental role in your sexual development that taught you that you know that judged you around it Around being too free around being too natural around being too expressive around owning your sexuality too wholeheartedly and aggressively and that s the voice that s playing in your head that you re projecting onto him because he s sitting there saying Let s go for it He s not going to judge you at all Yvette No No Dr Berman It s you who s judging yourself And really what s happening is that you re allowing that little girl to judge yourself You know what I mean Yvette I got you Yeah Dr Berman So think about we don t have to get into that right now but think about who that person was and who those messages were and write them down and really own them and decide whether you want to keep owning those messages as yours Yvette I m going to do that I really am I m going to do that Oprah Well Yvette thank you Yvette You re welcome Thank you for having me OPRAH COM Page 52 of 61 OPRAH COM pds BESTLIFE series Your Sex Life Oprah Thank you for Skyping in So Lara from Vermont called in with a question Lara Lara Hey Oprah Thanks for taking my call Oprah Glad you r
17. re in your mid 40s and beyond Also anything things in your medicine cabinet that wouldn t even occur to you Antihistamines antidepressants hormonal contraceptives can all negatively affect your sexual response and your desires Oprah Wow Dr Berman So we have all of this information online on Oprah com Oprah Right Dr Berman And and you definitely want to not rule out there s always medical factors emotional factors and relationship factors happening simultaneously when there is a sexual issue Oprah All right OPRAH COM Page 6 of 61 OPRAH COM pds BESTLIFE series Your Sex Life Dr Berman So you don t want to rule out the medical Oprah But what was interesting is the show this we did one of the first shows that we did with the woman who didn t know she had a clitoris once she discovered that she when I saw her actually Dr Berman Yeah Oprah I knew immediately watching her that it was a hormonal issue Dr Berman Yeah Yeah Oprah Yeah Dr Berman And that wasn t why she couldn t find her clitoris That was a separate issue Oprah That was a separate issue Dr Berman But she had low libido because she had low testosterone And when you have low testosterone that s a hormone of desire so you typically will have low desire low energy low general sense of well being and low genital sensation Oprah Wow So yeah and I want to say to all the women out there particularly i
18. second question is that my husband feels like he s in a silent movie when we re in bed and he wants me to talk dirty How can I become more comfortable in talking dirty and get over the embarrassment Dr Berman Yeah and it s something that a lot of women feel around this and a lot of men enjoy You can start by just using nonverbal feedback Moaning Saying That feels good when he s doing something that you enjoy A lot of women find it easy to just give a running commentary you know you re doing this to me now you re you know they just sort of say what s happening Or they say That feels really good Those are easy ways to start The other thing you may want to do is read OPRAH COM Page 50 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeESTLIFeE series Your Sex Life some erotica out loud and practice using those words and maybe even read it to him and practice that because it s more about the practice and the fear that you re going to seem foolish or the inhibitions Oprah I thought you were going to say the wrong thing Dr Berman Or I said the wrong Oprah Oh my God I said the wrong thing Yeah Dr Berman I don t think it s easy to say the wrong thing unless you bring up another guy s name or something As long as it s positive Oprah Yeah Dr Berman you know they re happy But I think also it s that sort of nice girl thing It comes from those earlier messages you know that Oprah Yeah Dr Berman
19. shirt Dr Berman Own your orgasm Sarah Yeah Oprah Yeah Valerie That you really should be focused on getting your own orgasm and not letting him give it to you Oprah Uh huh Dr Berman Or expecting him to But I will say that younger women who can t reach orgasm for some reason they have inhibitions they haven t figured it out and they feel so much pressure they ve lost relationships because the guys are so hung up on them reaching orgasm or they feel so much pressure they will fake it Oprah Fake it yeah Dr Berman They will fake it But most women now in their 30s have at least explored self stimulation and have kind of figured it out on their own If they haven t then they might have gone down the path of faking rather than getting help which hopefully now they re going to start doing Oprah So the idea of faking is not something that you it s not a part of your language correct Sarah Not at all When I first learned it was a vibrator It was you know take a vibrator try it out yourself figure out what you like I have a G spot vibrator that I love Use it you know not often But every time when I just feel like I need a little boost I ll do it myself and my husband s all for it Valerie Any time we want to bring a little glow to our faces Sarah Instead of a facial Valerie An orgasm will do the same Oprah I think that s fantastic Own your own orgasm Dr Berman There you go OPRAH COM Pag
20. what s your question for Dr Berman All Hi Oprah Oprah Hi guys All Hi Dr Berman Camille I was actually really interested in the Aphrodite when I saw that on Friday and my question was I m not afraid to use it and I am also fine with my husband and his skills no problems there but I wondered to incorporate that on lazy days or whatever if that will sabotage his abilities in the long run Because I ve heard I didn t know if it was a myth if you re using a vibrator which is so strong and powerful then maybe your husband s you know manual skills aren t quite as good or strong enough maybe Oprah Yeah Dr Berman It s a great question Oprah That s take good question Dr Berman Yeah And the bottom line is no human can compete with a vibrator in terms of the direct intensity and frequency of the stimulation But but women s sexual response is also so wrapped up in how they re feeling with the about the person they re having sex with how into it they are So there are so many factors that are going to go into your sexual response that a vibrator can t replace That being said you know if you re only using the vibrator I always encourage women to kind of keep both skill sets alive So sometimes you use a vibrator and sometimes you don t And if you kind of keep both going then you stay used to both Oprah Because if you only used a vibrator and you became accustomed to Dr Berman Right You can still rele
21. who do have anal sex many of them find it extremely pleasurable Oprah Does anyone else have a question Sarah I do Oprah Oprah Go ahead Sarah My first question is my husband and I are working on the blended orgasm but we re not quite there yet Dr Berman are there positions that we could try to maybe be more successful Dr Berman So the blended or is the G spot and clitoral and what you re looking for is that simultaneous stimulation Sarah Yes Dr Berman So as I mentioned before that CAT the Coital Alignment Technique that is in the book the Real Sex for Real Women there are lots of positions in there for blended orgasms Oprah Indicating I m holding up the book so you can see it Dr Berman She s holding up the book So there s lots of positions in there You want to be ina position you can also use a small vibrator like the Athena I showed earlier or the Aurora that freaked Oprah out You can use those for clitoral stimulation during intercourse And then if you use your Kegel muscles you re squeezing providing that friction around your G spot and also getting clitoral stimulation Oprah Got it Sarah Yes Oprah How old are you guys May I ask you that OPRAH COM Page 45 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeSTLIFe series Your Sex Life Valerie I m 35 Oprah Thirty five Sarah I m 28 Oprah Twenty eight Rusty Thirty seven Oprah Thirty seven It s clearly an interesting dynamic here
22. women who did not ejaculate they looked at their urine after orgasm and there was PSA in their urine So the idea is all women ejaculate except most of us it goes back up into our bladder So all women can learn to ejaculate and there are people who teach this I m not one of them but the idea is that we tend to clench and squeeze in when we reach orgasm and if you relax and push out almost as if you re urinating when you orgasm because it does come from the urethra that you can learn to ejaculate and you can tell us Cathleen women who do ejaculate with orgasm say that they have much more intense orgasms that way than when they don t Oprah I ve been thinking just listening to you if you re a woman and you ve never done that before you would think you ll end up urinating Dr Berman Right And it s embarrassing and scary but that s important to know that it s totally normal Oprah Okay Cathleen did that help Cathleen Yeah it does I mean it s just it s inconvenient It s messy You have to prepare before sex Dr Berman Right Cathleen you have to put something down because I mean it does kind of make a mess of the bed Dr Berman Yeah yeah it can OPRAH COM Page 49 of 61 OPRAH COM pds BESTLIFE series Your Sex Life Oprah All right thank you Cathleen Thank you Oprah Yvette s Skyping from her husband s home office in Tampa Florida Hi Yvette Yvette Hi Oprah How are you
23. OPRAN COM lo BESTLIFE series Your Sex Life Your Best Sex Life with Dr Laura Berman January 16 2009 Oprah Well it s Friday Yes it is And the final night of our Best Life Week webcast So far this week we have tackled your questions about weight and health and spirituality and money But now I want you to kind of cozy up with your partner or gather around with your girlfriends because tonight we re talking about sex baby Yes After last week s Sex 101 show thousands of you had so many questions for world renowned sex therapist Dr Laura Berman and she ll be answering many of those questions tonight And since we re on the Web we can get a little more explicit although I ve seen a preview of some of your questions Lord listen I never knew black people could blush as much as I have reading some of those questions Welcome Dr Berman Dr Berman Thank you Oprah Oh my goodness gracious What is Dr Berman These are questions people have Oprah What is going on So it s going to be explicit It s the kind of thing where if I was on television I would be taken off the air with the kind of questions you all have lined up for us tonight But let s start Let s explain why this has sort of hit a nerve and why good sex is such an important part of the overall whole of living your best life Dr Berman And I feel so grateful to be part of this because sex is such a fundamental part of living your best life Obviously yo
24. Oprah I m good Yvette I actually have two questions for Dr Berman My first question is my husband says that I perform oral sex once a year if he s lucky Do you have a technique for giving oral sex that s easier and takes less time And then I d be doing it a lot more often Because I really don t have a problem I just it just takes so much time Dr Berman How much are we talking Yvette Well I mean I 15 10 minutes Dr Berman Well that s not so much time But it does feel like a long time when you re doing something that you re not enjoying Yvette It s a lot of work Dr Berman It s a lot of work All right So one thing you can do is do other kinds of stimulation first until he s gotten much closer or do oral sex for a while first Then go on to do manual stimulation or something else and then go back to oral sex so that you re not doing only oral for the entire 15 minutes And then you can also ask him what turns him on For a lot of men it s visual so you know watching porn or watching you while you perform oral sex is stimulating to them Or talking dirty to them is stimulating to them So there are things that can move the process and make the arousal more intense you know But 10 to 15 minutes is you know it s not it s not the average The average is seven minutes But it s not extremely long Does that make sense Yvette Yes Yes that makes sense My second it s funny when you said that about talking My
25. Right Dr Berman You know men are supposed to always want it And so when the man doesn t want it there s so much shame for him and for her What s wrong with me And they the woman owns it so much more than the guy might Oprah Right Dr Berman in a similar situation And you know I think you definitely need to look at the relationship and what s going on there But what we find is that men are susceptible to hormonal changes as well to changes in medications as well that can affect their sexual response and their interest and we also have found that while all stress pretty much will negatively affect a woman s libido financial and work related stress will really affect a man s libido So if he s feeling bad about Oprah It affects his Dr Berman His sense of masculinity OPRAH COM Page 55 of 61 OPRAH COM pds BESTLIFE series Your Sex Life Oprah And his identity Dr Berman and his identity And so I don t know if that s been going on for him But if he s having any work related related stress or money related stress you ll often see a big drop Or if he s depressed Heather Okay thank you Oprah Okay But does that apply to you Heather Heather We have a 2 and a half year old daughter and I know his work in the last I would say year has definitely taken with the economy being what it is the ups and downs so he s in the entertainment industry and it s difficult to know if you re
26. ah All the best to you So Alice from Chicago is on the phone Alice what s your question Alice Hi I was calling to ask if you re supposed to use your Kegel muscles to if you should squeeze squeeze them during intercourse to achieve a vaginal orgasm because I don t know how to get a vaginal orgasm and I ve never understood why women are supposed to exercise your Kegel muscles Dr Berman And where s Dean Dean will you bring the Kegel exercisers here Let s talk about Kegel exercisers Oprah Hello Dean Dean Hello ladies Oprah Hello Dean Dr Berman Hi OPRAH COM Page 19 of 61 OPRAH COM lode BeSTLIFe series Your Sex Life Oprah Our Kegel instruments Dr Berman Yeah I brought some Kegel exercisers These are two from my line but but other lines make them as well This is called the Isis and this is called the Juno This is a beginning Oprah Well since you re here you might as well promote your line What s your line Dr Berman It s called the Berman Center Intimate Accessories Oprah Which you can get on Amazon com Dr Berman Amazon com Drugstore com Oprah Along with Edgar Sawtelle Our book for the book club You can get yourself a Kegel exerciser and you can also get yourself Laughter Dr Berman So this so first of all Alice to answer your question Kegels are very important not only for avoiding incontinence Oprah Explain it for everybody who doesn t know what it
27. ah it s called Watch Oprah squirm will be available on demand tomorrow for free here at Oprah com You can also download the podcast tomorrow at Oprah com and iTunes The difference between this though being on the Web if we were on TV the lawyers would have been back there screaming the whole time Dr Berman No there s no way we would have been able to talk about Oprah You would have been stopped at the Aphrodite baby Dr Berman And the love juice Oprah And the love juice wouldn t have made it And God knows the panties The whole thing Okay The conversation continues right after this webcast If you are an Oprah amp Friends subscriber tune in on XM 156 and Sirius 195 Dr Berman will be taking more of your calls She s there and she will be alone because I m going to go pack for the inauguration Thanks everybody Dr Berman Yeah Oprah Good night OPRAH COM Page 61 of 61
28. ake the plastic stuff out so so you re not like walking around with this Dr Berman No No No Oprah Walking around Dr Berman No you re not walking around Although you d be surprised the stories I hear Oprah What You re standing at a bus stop trying to squeeze the thing Dr Berman Squeeze release squeeze release Hold it in You start off lying down and supporting it Oprah Yes Dr Berman And then once you feel like you can do that you stand up at home alone or maybe with a friend if you want to Oprah Uh huh Dr Berman Squeeze around it and try to and you support it at first but eventually try to just hold it in with your muscles alone And that gives you really good control Now this one is a more advanced one This is a weighted one OPRAH COM Page 22 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeSTLIFe series Your Sex Life Oprah PhD Dr Berman Yeah PhD Kegels Oprah Master class Dr Berman So I always say that if you have good control of your Kegels and your transverse abdominals you should be able to squeeze your Kegels in in and up Oprah In and up Dr Berman Yeah in and up That s if you re using your transverse too Oprah Yeah Dr Berman In and back And even side to side Alternating sides Oprah Can t do that Dr Berman I ve got to give you one of these Oprah No Go ahead Dr Berman And so this one you would again start lying down and you start with the biggest side
29. arn how to have an orgasm a different way but you get kind of used to that and then it s hard the other way Harder Harder Anybody else have a question there Brooke I have a question Oprah Oprah Okay Brooke I was just wondering I m Brooke I was just wondering what the best position was to achieve a G spot orgasm OPRAH COM Page 32 of 61 OPRAH COM pds BESTLIFE series Your Sex Life Dr Berman Okay Well we talked about the Kegels That s important We so a woman on top is a great way because you can provide more friction that way Also a male behind But there s one position called the CAT the Coital Alignment Technique but basically it s a variation on the missionary position the traditional position with the man on top so if you yeah it s in there Oprah It s in there Okay Dr Berman It s in Real Sex for Real Women I don t remember what page You might have to just look Oprah Oh my Dr Berman Basically basically you Oprah Indicating Dr Berman Laughter You didn t know what you were getting yourself into tonight Oprah I it s in there It s in there It s right in there It s all in here Indicating Dr Berman But it s a variation on the missionary position where he kind of lifts up and over and rocks back and forth and that rocking motion really helps with G spot stimulation because you kind of need that consistent friction there Does that make sense Brooke Okay
30. ationship that is quote unquote that it s okay to be sexual in that self stimulation is a way of really staying healthy and staying in touch as long as it doesn t take the place of finding a healthy loving relationship So you I encourage you to explore that more and not just assume that it s sinful or wrong Oprah I don t know if I would be going to a religious leader to discuss that or not Dr Berman You d be surprised Oprah I don t think I d be doing that Dr Berman I can say for five years I used to go every week it was fascinating to an orthodox seriously orthodox rabbi s house because and have a consult with him because he had a whole congregation Oprah It depends you know what you re suggesting then it depends on who your religious leader is Dr Berman Right Oprah I ve met a lot of rabbis who are pretty liberal in their thinking Dr Berman Right Oprah I don t know if you re living in Alabama and you re going to a Southern Baptist OPRAH COM Page 16 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeESTLIFeE series Your Sex Life preacher Dr Berman Well I don t know It s something to think about It s something to think about Oprah Not to indict Southern Baptist preachers Dr Berman Maybe it s not your religious maybe it s not your pastor but it s someone a friend who shares your religious values Oprah But is this a question for your pastor whether or not you should stimulate yourself Is t
31. azy over They really like this one for the blended orgasms Oprah What s it called Dr Berman It s called the Adonis Oprah The Adonis Dr Berman Yes Oprah And this is just to hold the battery The other part s just for holding the battery Dr Berman And for the there s a long cord I don t have it all the way open but you can set it and just use it s not all tied together Oprah So is this something you re doing for yourself or is someone doing this for you Dr Berman Both You can do all of these with a partner if you want to or by yourself so if you re solo or if you just want to do it and have your partner watch or if you want your partner to do it for you you can do all that These are great ways to spice things up and they re not too expensive I mean especially in this economy we want to think about that This one Oprah Of course Dr Berman the Athena is about 10 This one is about 20 This one let me see if I have OPRAH COM Page 28 of 61 OPRAH COM pds BESTLIFE series Your Sex Life Oprah I hear that the sale of these products has gone up because of the economy Dr Berman It has Oprah That s what I hear Dr Berman Because the economy because people would rather just invest you know 20 50 whatever it is in a fun sex toy and stay at home and sort of be playful and spice things up and get some sexual relief from the tension but also it s a nice way to spend a n
32. berated I don t know if people say that anymore woman in my 30s OPRAH COM Page 53 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeSTLIFe series Your Sex Life Dr Berman Good Lara And it was just recently that I ve started to feel like I shouldn t be doing it or I should feel bad about you know enjoying myself that way Dr Berman I think you re giving that person too much power Oprah Is that person older Lara No Oprah No Interesting Lara They re not Oprah Yeah Because I m wondering is it a generational thing Because obviously there are a lot of as I was saying earlier a lot of women in their 30s and obviously their 20s who own their sexuality in a different way than you know my generation did Dr Berman Right Well there s feminist Oprah That s a generality Dr Berman I think there can be a generational thing and I think there can be an ingenerational thing where it has to do with your attitude toward men I think more than anything else And if to you feminism means that men are bad and that men are objectifiers and that men are seeking to put you down and we have to push against that and live our lives at the effect of that then you re going to see porn as something bad If you are the kind of feminist who celebrates men as being different but equal and having their own strengths and you having your own strengths and you own your own sexuality and aren t at the effect of men in terms of your sex life th
33. do in your own relationships OPRAH COM Page 37 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeSTLIFe series Your Sex Life Dr Berman Yeah Absolutely Oprah How you see your father treat your mother and vice versa Dr Berman Absolutely Oprah Okay Thank you Austin ladies Thank you You shockeroos Shockeroos Laughter Okay Dr Berman Go eat some celery and pineapple juice Or tell him to Oprah Let s go to Joy from Atlanta on Skype Joy Joy Hi Oprah Hi Dr Berman Nice to see you Oprah Nice to see you Joy This has been a fabulous series I m enjoying it immensely Oprah Thank you Joy My question Dr Berman is I just recently turned 60 I ve been divorced for about five years and obviously I want to get into a relationship and become sexually active but I ve been hearing some new trends that have been going on and the trend is to shave your vagina or wax it and that is kind of new to me but evidently that is the new deal and there is there s new ways of there s even hairstyles for it My question is is this safe And is it sanitary And is this a good idea Oprah Well I didn t know there were hairstyles Dr Berman Oh yeah Dye jobs and shapes you can make it into and all sorts of things It is quite popular now to do what called the Brazilian which is either removing all of the hair off of your vulva or leaving a little strip And a lot of young women do that A lot of women don t But it is becoming increasi
34. e And them knowing what you re doing is okay You re giving them the model of what a loving intimate sexual relationship is and that s what you eventually want for them So the intimacy the romance the sexual connection they see the two of you have is going to be what they re going to look for in their future mate Oprah I think that s really powerful because I think so many parents feel that if I leave if I lock the door then it means I m not being a good parent I should be available to my children at all times Dr Berman Right Oprah Right Is that what you were thinking or not Casie Yeah I m concerned with what they might think and how they re going to feel about it and how much therapy Oprah They may think something s going on in there what they re going to think is something is going in there that they re not privy too Dr Berman And they re old enough they re going to think Ew Mom and Dad are doing it But that s laughter that s not damaging That s not what would be damaging is if you gave them the details afterward you know or if you did the reverse and talked to them about how you had no sex I mean you don t want to they shouldn t be privy to what goes on in your sex life But knowing that you are sexual together is good It s healthy It s natural It s nothing to be ashamed of You re modeling for them what a loving relationship is Oprah That s right Because that s how you learn what to
35. e 48 of 61 OPRAH COM pds BESTLIFE series Your Sex Life Oprah Thank you ladies Thank you Remember if you a specific question for Dr Berman call us at 866 Oprah XM That s 866 677 2496 We have Cathleen on the phone from Manchester New Hampshire Go ahead Cathleen Hi I had a quick question When I have an orgasm sometimes I expel copious amounts of fluid I ve heard of female ejaculation before but is this normal to ejaculate so much Dr Berman Yes Here s the thing You are talking about female ejaculation and when they ve looked at it they used to think it was urine When they ve looked at it under a microscope and analyzed it it s not urine It is they think fluid from the Skene s glands which is sort of equivalent of the prostate gland in men and the studies have been really interesting because they ve indicated that actually all women ejaculate during orgasm but the majority of women for whom it doesn t come out it goes it does what s called retrograde ejaculation It goes back into the bladder So they did this study where they looked at a whole bunch of women after orgasm They looked at women who ejaculate after orgasm and they looked at women who don t ejaculate with orgasm and there s a property in people ejaculate called PSA which is also in semen a prostate stimulating antigen It s called PSA And so the women who ejaculated they looked at their urine after orgasm and there was no PSA in their urine The
36. e here Lara Dr Berman I am a single woman And to Oprah s point a sexually vibrant single woman so I fully enjoy pornography Oprah Okay Lara And recently I happened to mention this in front of a friend of mine who s very passionate about women s rights and so we got to talking about perpetuating the image of women as sexual object s and I suddenly felt really guilty and you know a little bit dirty Oprah And judged Lara And so my question is whether or not porn is a healthy outlet for a woman s sexuality that we can enjoy sort of guilt free Dr Berman I truly believe yes I think that there is a very healthy role for erotica and pornography in a single person s life in a couple s life in a relationship s life And that there is nothing wrong with it And and you know yes sort of traditional feminism has shunned pornography as something that objectifies women My take on it and I consider myself a feminist is that when you own your sexuality and when you embrace your sexuality that s the most feminist thing there is And so whatever turns you on embracing that should be celebrated Oprah Yeah It s the difference between owning it and abusing it Dr Berman Right Oprah Owning it and then exploiting it Dr Berman Right Oprah Yes Yeah Dr Berman Does that make sense Lara Yeah I used to wear it as a badge you know Like something to be proud of and sort of flaunt it as being this sexually li
37. ease slow and also fast And you also want to exercise those core muscles that you do during core exercises Those transverse abdominal muscles because that s part of it Oprah Yeah Dr Berman Now during intercourse you squeeze those muscles because that creates more friction around your G spot Your G spot is in like a third of the way into the vagina on the belly button side So if a penis is in there and you squeeze your muscles it makes your vagina tighter and provides more friction So you can just either do them on your own Some women prefer strengtheners which is what these are So this is one called Isis and it s an unweighted one It s great for beginners if you ve never done this before and it s Oprah How would you get this instrument Dr Berman You insert this you can get it on it s in my line OPRAH COM Page 21 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeSTLIFe series Your Sex Life Oprah At Amazon com Dr Berman Yeah at Amazon com Just look up pelvic Kegel exercisers Oprah Love it Dr Berman All right They re called your Kegel muscles or your pubococcygeus muscles PC muscles Oprah Okay Dr Berman And you insert it into the vagina and squeeze around it And you start off lying down and you eventually can do it standing up And then with this one if you re Oprah You need to be very clear because this is like making a basting a turkey Dr Berman Okay Oprah You have to tell people to t
38. en porn can be a great thing Oprah Okay Dr Berman Does that make sense Oprah Yeah it does make sense Dr Berman Okay Oprah Thanks Lara Lara Thank you so much That s very helpful OPRAH COM Page 54 of 61 OPRAH COM pds BESTLIFE series Your Sex Life Oprah Good Thirty two year old Heather is Skyping from her bedroom near Los Angeles California Hey Heather Welcome Heather Hey Oprah Oprah Hey Heather Dr Berman I was actually watching the show last Friday with women not being able to achieve orgasm or having a decrease in their libido and not having the same level as their husbands And my issue is actually the opposite My husband and I have a great relationship We ve been together for quite some time and I would say in the last year we ve noticed a decrease in his libido and I want more sex than he does and our roles have almost reversed or I feel that maybe if he does do it he s just taking one for the team and it isn t something he necessarily is excited about doing Oprah Wow Heather Or it takes longer to stimulate him Oprah A lot of women are saying this these days It s all a part of women owning their own sexuality Dr Berman Yeah And I think and we re hearing that a lot more I don t know if it s because women are owning it more or because more men are reporting it and there s you know because it s the men it s the women who are supposed to have the headache Oprah
39. er entire 24 year marriage But had her very first orgasm after meeting with Dr Berman So how are things today Luanne Luanne They are just great Thank you We are Gerald and I are getting along great We re having to you know we re communicating really effectively My friends threw a premiere party for me and it was just fantastic Everybody all my friends went home and took their crosses from above their bed and their pictures of the Virgin Mary out of their bedroom It was it was fantastic We had a we had a great time Dr Berman A bedroom makeover Oprah Oh really People have the crosses over their bed Yeah you re right It would be hard to have great sex with the Virgin Mary looking at you Dr Berman You have to give your bedroom a sexual makeover That s very important That s one of the pieces Oprah That s one of the pieces yeah Dr Berman Yeah Oprah Yeah And so how has it been for you Luanne It it s been fantastic Really my my relationship with Gerald has never been better Our Oprah Gerald you can smile if you want to Gerald I m smiling inside Oprah Yeah Go ahead Luanne Really we it s been a great t s been a great great couple months for us It s really just been we have been just so connected Oprah Wow That s great Luanne And I really I can t I can t express OPRAH COM Page 12 of 61 OPRAH COM pds BESTLIFE series Your Sex Life Oprah T
40. ex with other men Oprah Well now Dr Berman Right Janet I was just wondering if this was kind of abnormal Dr Berman No Oprah Nothing s abnormal Dr Berman Nothing s abnormal and it s a common fantasy Certainly we know that the most common fantasy for men is two women together Oprah Is it Dr Berman Oh yeah Absolutely A threesome or watching two women together Yes And for women a big one is watching two men Oprah Look at Dean Dr Berman Are we right Dean Dean Laughter Dr Berman Watching two men Oprah Dean goes You have five more minutes I have nothing to say Janet I knew I think it would be a little bit kinky Oprah No Dr Berman No she s teasing Dean saying he s fantasizing about two women You know what it s not it s not particularly kinky and there s certainly a lot of pornography out there of men together geared at the gay community but also many women find that arousing because they find men arousing OPRAH COM Page 58 of 61 OPRAH COM pds BESTLIFE series Your Sex Life and to see the two of them together and those two male bodies together is exciting And the thing to remember about fantasy and pornography falls into the realm of fantasy is that it s just that You re going to be turned on by things in your fantasy life that in your wildest imaginings would you ever want to do in real life That s the joy of fantasy So it doesn t mean if you if you fan
41. f you re over 35 and your hormones are you know fluctuating that that you have to take charge of that for yourself Dr Berman Absolutely And you know what I would add one I would take you a step further and say if you today are maybe in your 20s or late 20s and happy with what how your body s working and feeling and how your sexual response is I recommend you get your hormone levels tested today because what we re learning is that each woman s hormones are as unique as her fingerprint Oprah Oh that s powerful Dr Berman So if you if you know what your template is what your range is for when you re functioning and feeling good then when things start to change you know sort of where you re supposed to be Oprah That is so profound because I was saying that yesterday with Robin McGraw that my generation and her generation because we re about the same age a year apart are going to be the pioneers because the next generation the generation before us it s just going to be normal that you re going to feel great Dr Berman Right OPRAH COM Page 7 of 61 OPRAH COM lode BeESTLIFeE series Your Sex Life Oprah and that you re going to be sexually active and powerful and engaged and Dr Berman Yeah Oprah feeling vibrant in your life Dr Berman Just like Oprah Throughout your life Dr Berman Just like your generation spearheaded the women s movement Oprah Correct Dr Berman I
42. has nothing to do with the bikini Oprah Yeah How many do you do a day would you say Mimi Actually I don t do them I have two people who work for me Oprah Who do them Mimi So but they do about six or eight a day Oprah Right I ve been downstairs in the spa getting a pedicure and I ve seen people go in the room with you What are they doing with in there Mimi No they do eyebrows with me Oprah Oh they re doing eyebrows Mimi Yeah Oprah Like I did today They re doing Dr Berman They re not doing Brazilians Oprah Oh I thought they were doing Brazilians I to this moment Mimi I thought everybody was coming downstairs getting I thought well this and I m getting a pedicure so I m watching people march in here at Harpo we have a little spa here and I m thinking God it s shocking the number of people getting Brazilians But they re getting eyebrows Thank you Joy for bringing that up Dr Berman And good luck getting back out there Oprah Good luck getting back out there yeah Joy Thank you OPRAH COM Page 41 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeESTLIFe series Your Sex Life Oprah Yeah Rusty Sarah and Valerie are joining us from Indianapolis Valerie your question is Valerie Hi Dr Berman My question is how do I get my husband interested in trying new things without seeming really pushy Oprah Try a Brazilian Dr Berman Very good That s a good that s a good idea Op
43. hat a question for your pastor Dr Berman Some people if they re really caught up in it being a sin Oprah Yeah Dr Berman then it sometimes takes Oprah But it s your body Dr Berman I agree I mean listen I think it s Oprah It s your body Dr Berman It s your body it s healthy it s good it s loving yourself There s nothing wrong I ve read and talked to all different schools of religion about this because I face it every day Oprah Would you give yourself a foot massage Dr Berman Right Yeah Oprah Okay Dr Berman Or an elbow massage Oprah Because reflexology is really good Marsha thank you Marsha I have talked to my pastor about it Oprah And what did he say Marsha He said that it is a spiritual act OPRAH COM Page 17 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeESTLIFeE series Your Sex Life Oprah Okay Marsha So he wouldn t recommend that I have casual sex right now Dr Berman Right Well we re not talking about casual sex Oprah We re not talking about casual sex Dr Berman We re talking about self stimulation Marsha Okay Dr Berman About stimulating yourself and in some ways it can be a meditative practice that is a spiritual act It s just not a spiritual act You re waiting to share that spiritual act because that s your value with someone that you love and that you re committed to And in the meantime you re keeping the plumbing working and keeping connected to your
44. hat s what you want Luanne how how different how I didn t realize how different having a great sex life would make our overall parenting skills and our life together and our everyday you know every day is just great Oprah So Gerald I want to know how things have also changed for you because for 24 years she was faking it and I guess you if she was faking it you believed her and so how is it different now Gerald Well it s it s been a lot better in a lot of different areas My first off it s been such a great improvement for Luanne and her her overall well being She s she s less stressed out Oprah That s what you re talking about Gerald She s able to cope with things a lot better and and as far as making love I mean that s it s just increased the intensity and the frequency quite frankly and she s less inhibited in the bedroom and I I can tell that she s really enjoying herself a lot more Or actually probably enjoying herself period for this But I m really glad that that we went through with this you know When this whole thing started I had my doubts But it s really worked out well for Luanne and ultimately for me But I m glad to see that Luanne really seems to be dealing with everything a lot better and it s hard to believe that an improved sex life could make that much difference in all areas but it really has Oprah Well that s exactly what Dr Berman is trying to teach us all right
45. ight in And this one has a really good bang for your buck too because it s several things in one This is called the Aurora and so it has two different bullets This one I put in it comes with a little silicon harness so the woman could use this herself Once again it has a long cord and a remote control The woman could use this herself externally all right She can use it alone either one of these bullets alone internally or externally and this is a little holster that the guy can wear so this goes around his penis Oprah Oh please Dr Berman Yeah Around his penis for hands free clitoral stimulation during intercourse Oprah Okay You have just crossed the line with me Dr Berman Okay Are you ready Oprah No you have crossed the line with me I don t know what the hell you re talking about Dr Berman All right look Here is the penis Indicating Oprah I swear I m not ready for it I m not ready I m not ready for it No I am not ready for it I am not nearly as advanced as I thought I was No I m not I m not No No No no Let s move on Dr Berman Okay Oprah Lisa is Skyping in Hello Lisa Lisa Hi Oprah Oprah Hi there It just went a little too far for me Dr Berman We didn t even get to the toy cleaner Oprah Never mind Lisa is there with her husband Bill in their family room in Michigan What s your question OPRAH COM Page 29 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeSTLIFe series Your Se
46. ing I don t know how common But fairly common Dr Berman Yeah Joy I was really surprised I mean I grew up my whole life and I actually had to have it shaved down at my vagina area for surgery and I remember getting a rash and it was itchy and running to the corner to have a quick scratch So now that this is commonplace and obviously pleasurable for the men I m just wondering if I really want to go through with all that again Dr Berman Yeah Yeah And shaving will grow in quicker and and more you know so it is itchier when it grows in than waxing But you certainly like I said don t I would you know you definitely want to trim and groom but other than that I don t think much is required Oprah Joy I wouldn t go all the way right now if you were you Dr Berman Do it in baby steps if you re going to do it Oprah Yeah You might want to do a hairstyle and then Dr Berman Yeah slowly work your way through Oprah slowly work your way through Yeah I had never heard that there were hairstyles Dr Berman Oh yeah Oprah Yeah Mimi s over there I know who does your makeup who also is an aesthetician Dr Berman Yeah She ll tell you Oprah who does them Don t you do these don t you do these Mimi OPRAH COM Page 39 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeSTLIFe series Your Sex Life Dr Berman Mimi does hairstyles Oprah Don t you do a lot of waxing Mimi a lot of waxing Oprah Okay
47. k up to a 7 And then move back to a 4 And do that several times until you really get the hang of it and you really practice it on your own and then you can start practicing it with your partner as well And if that doesn t work there are other techniques I don t know how graphic you want to get called the squeeze technique and the stop start technique The stop start basically means stopping and starting The squeeze technique some men need extra help stopping the stimulation so you can squeeze right below the glands of the penis so the head of the penis right below there and that will tamp down the stimulation a lot as well Oprah Did that help you David David Well yes it does Also I practice the Kegels on my own Dr Berman Okay David But I haven t done it for a very long time How long should I keep doing them before I Oprah I bet it s like any other exercise Dr Berman Right you ve got to keep doing it Those muscles get weak if you don t And you want to squeeze those and take really deep breaths to sort of quiet the arousal and hold yourself back a little bit But you want to do several hundred a day just like the women and on an ongoing basis And if you OPRAH COM Page 34 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeSTLIFe series Your Sex Life don t keep doing them they will weaken Especially with age as our testosterone lowers all of our muscle tone diminishes including our Kegel muscle tone David Okay Well tha
48. l have more friction and you ll also have more intense orgasms Oprah So Kegel for a week and then you ll notice more intense orgasms Dr Berman Right And this is a big one too for those women it drives it makes me crazy all of this this trend of what they call vaginal rejuvenation surgeries where these women are getting surgeries to make their vagina smaller Oprah Yes Dr Berman And first of all you are doing nerve damage that you don t even necessarily understand You re often they re changing the shape of the vagina which creates pain afterward But if you just use your muscles strengthen your muscles you can squeeze around a pencil if you need to So so if you so often these women are having these surgeries it s because their Kegel muscles aren t strong enough Oprah Yes And is that because they delivered children or OPRAH COM Page 24 of 61 OPRAH COM pds BESTLIFE series Your Sex Life Dr Berman Yes it s children and childbirth I mean having a vaginal delivery is pushing a bowling ball through your pelvic floor I mean it s the equivalent of that Oprah And your Kegels just go I can t help you Dr Berman The Kegels are going we re gone until you kick us back into gear But they do recover in most cases Oprah So the number one question that you all asked after last week s show was where do I get the vibrator that Dr Berman talked about Dr Berman that I understand that i
49. ling the truth about what you want in the bedroom Not only what s not working but what you d like to work better what you want to change and what you want more of and being honest with yourself when things aren t working in your relationship and not working in your sex life really not sweeping those issues under the rug Oprah And a lot of women in particular have trouble doing that Dr Berman Yeah Oprah Because if you have been lying for 27 years and haven t had an orgasm you ve been faking the orgasm how do you suddenly now Dr Berman Right Oprah come forward and say whatever Dr Berman Guess what Yeah Oprah Yeah Dr Berman And it s scary Oprah I think we need the language for it And tonight on TV we re not on TV so we can actually get the language for what to say Dr Berman Absolutely We re going to Oprah Okay number 2 Dr Berman Number 2 is to ask for what you want So that means not only figuring it out for yourself that s the first step but being able to put into words or actions what it is that works for you So the disconnect is that women think that you know if they re in a heterosexual relationship they think the guy s going to be their knight in shining armor and figure it out for them If I m just with the OPRAH COM Page 2 of 61 OPRAH COM pds BESTLIFE series Your Sex Life right guy then I ll be able to have an orgasm then I ll sexually respond No You have to o
50. ngly common I think more so it s about just being well groomed in that area whatever style you choose Oprah Like if you re going out for wearing a bikini or something Dr Berman Right Oprah But I think women are doing it because for not to be well groomed but does it help sex in any way OPRAH COM Page 38 of 61 OPRAH COM pds BESTLIFE series Your Sex Life Dr Berman They feel like the I think part of it is the lack of hair provides for sensation because there s more it s easier to feel But also I think it s because what women are seeing in the men s magazines That s what you know that s what they see and that s what s hot and sexy right now But it s certainly you know not required if that s not something you re comfortable with And if you do choose to do it you obviously want to take you want to be very careful when you re shaving your vulva especially around your labia You want to use a clean razor You want to consider waxing and going to some a place that is very clean and licensed to wax and specializes in that in waxing the bikini area And usually the aesthetician or the person doing it will ask you lots of specifics about the style you want if you choose to go that route But I wouldn t feel pressured or worried about doing it if you re not comfortable with it Oprah Now how did you feel when you first heard that people were doing it Joy that it was a that it s now become a fairly common th
51. nk you both very much Oprah Thank you David from Macon Georgia Another group of friends joining us from outside of Austin Austin Texas Hello Amy Christi Casie and Shannon All Hi Oprah Hi Hi ladies Your question for Dr Berman A lot of women are watching tonight Christi I have two questions One is I noticed when I administer oral sex to my husband his joy juice will taste different every time A sometimes it s sweet and sometimes it s salty and I was just wondering if that is dietary and if there s some way that I can control it I have a little bit of a sweet tooth Oprah Lord this is a new day Have mercy Laughter I would have never expected that from Austin Texas I swear I declare I wouldn t expect it from you girls down there But okay Dr Berman It s a really common question this I get asked And yes diet does affect it If you know the things that seem to affect it in negative ways are alcohol smoking broccoli spicy foods like curry will negatively affect Positively affecting would be pineapple juice pepper mints celery cranberry juice Those have all been studied and seem to improve the Oprah Semen Dr Berman the flavor of semen Or joy juice which she calls it which I think is hilarious Oprah Did you think long and hard about that question today Dr Berman She did Christi Of course Oprah Of course you did Christi I have another question Oprah Okay let s hea
52. ook forward to And even those times Oprah It s like the buzzing panties you left the last time Dr Berman Yes yes we ll be doing those too Oprah I did give them to my stylist not Dr Berman Oh you didn t keep them Oprah I didn t keep them no No I I Dr Berman We have to work on you Oprah Oprah I must say listen I have a lot of responsibility in the world I cannot be out in an elevator with my panties buzzing Laughter Dr Berman Who knows what you can come up with Oprah I m willing to do a lot of things Dr Berman It might release a whole creative channel that you don t even know about Oprah I am not willing to be standing in public and my panties are buzzing I m just not willing to do it So I did give that away to someone who would appreciate it more than I So if you re wondering what we re talking about we have a lot of sexual things coming up here Dr Berman Yes Oprah Dr Berman assigned homework for each of those five steps to help all of you and your partners get started You can find those on Oprah com Oprah com It s a changing yeah OPRAH COM Page 11 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeESTLIFeE series Your Sex Life Dr Berman Yes it is Oprah After this webcast So you may remember if you watched the show Luanne and Gerald from our show last week Tonight they are joining us from their living room near San Jose California Luanne admitted she had faked it for h
53. r it OPRAH COM Page 35 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeSTLIFe series Your Sex Life Christi You were talking about the Aphrodite and I ve noticed that some of those vibrators are really really powerful and I was wondering if you use them frequently can you get any nerve damage in that area Dr Berman Right You Oprah Because that Aphrodite looks like a lawn mower doesn t it You just go right in there It s like a Roto Rooter Christi Yeah Oprah Take you out that thing Dr Berman Right Right Christi Like a jack hammer thing Oprah God The crew s loving this by the way Dr Berman I know And they re loving your discomfort Oprah Hey fellas Laughter Dr Berman The best part is seeing you squirm so much Oprah I know I ve never squirmed this much since the Michael Jackson interview in 1992 Okay go ahead Dr Berman So there s no evidence to ever have suggested that you can quote unquote do nerve damage But so I wouldn t worry about that I think along the lines of another question that we got earlier you can get kind of used to that kind of stimulation so that regular partner stimulation doesn t feel as intense And many women if they re if they already have good sensation you want to get a vibrator that has escalating vibration so it starts off low and gets higher and higher and higher because you may need a lower sensation a lower vibration than a woman who might be having less sen
54. rah Come home with his initials in your vulva and that will change things Dr Berman Yes Valerie Maybe I can try a heart Dr Berman That is that s a good idea Also you know try start off small Dean do you have the lubricants Dean Yes Dr Berman You can start off there s some great fun playful lubricants out there now Dean s going to bring us some to show you or so you don t necessarily have to bring out like a whole bag of sex toys necessarily at first But like for instance K Y in your drugstore makes some great products This is a two in one warming massage oil so you it can be used as a lubricant and a massage oil and it kind of heats up so you can give him a massage and then use it as a lubricant as well And then this is called Yours amp Mine a product they have So one is for him and one is for yours you Oprah By K Y Dr Berman Yeah by K Y by the K Y brand and they and when they and they sort of create kind of tingling warm sensations and when they come together during intercourse or during sexual play Oprah Where do you put them Dr Berman You put them on your genitals Oprah Oh Dr Berman Yeah these this is lubricants just for your genitals This is a two in one massage oil Oprah That goes over your whole body OPRAH COM Page 42 of 61 OPRAH COM pds BESTLIFE series Your Sex Life Dr Berman That can go over your whole body and can be used as a lubricant as
55. ress if you wait for it to happen spontaneously it never happens unless you re on vacation and you take all of those stressors out of the way Oprah Okay So let s say your night is Friday night at 10 o clock Dr Berman Right Oprah And all kinds of stuff has gone on during the week You re exhausted and things didn t go the way you wanted to and all kinds of problems and you re just really you re not in the mood Dr Berman Right Oprah Oh my God you know Dr Berman Right Okay So two things One you want to choose a time I don t recommend Friday nights for that reason I recommend Oprah I said Saturday Dr Berman Oh you did I thought you said Friday Oprah I thought I said okay Saturday Dr Berman Saturday night s good because then you have time Oprah You don t recommend Friday though Dr Berman No because you re exhausted from the week If you re worried about exhaustion give yourself a time like Saturday or Sunday even in the morning earlier in the day it doesn t have to be 10 o clock at night So plan the time where it might fit best into your schedule and you ve had some winding down time because women especially OPRAH COM Page 9 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeSTLIFe series Your Sex Life Oprah So Friday night not good Dr Berman Probably not if you have if you tend to have really busy weeks Oprah Okay Dr Berman And then the other thing is Oprah Sunday seem
56. s like a good day Dr Berman Yeah Sunday is good Oprah If you re only doing once a week Dr Berman Yeah Oprah Yeah Dr Berman And then you also Oprah Dean Dean our stage manager he s loving this Dr Berman Yeah he s listening intently Oprah Lots of tips Yeah Dr Berman Wait till we bring out the sex toys Dean Oprah Sex toys coming up folks for sure All varieties Dr Berman So it s making it on a day or an afternoon or a night that will work and really sticking to it Because what you ll find Oprah You re saying that Laura but that s not that sounds odd to me I don t think I could ever do that It feels odd I couldn t do it Dr Berman It is odd at first but I promise you when you try it and I always get pushback from people but when you try it at first it s a total mind shift and what you ll find is that you start looking forward to that day Oprah And you start being nicer to each other OPRAH COM Page 10 of 61 OPRAH COM lode BeSTLIFe series Your Sex Life Dr Berman You re nicer to each other coming up to that and you get jokey and silly about it and you wink at each other and send each other sexy e mails and you re smiling at each other across the crazy breakfast table with the kids because you know that night Oprah You know it s Dr Berman Yeah Oprah Mm hmm Dr Berman And you kind of it becomes a kind of playful fun date thing that you get to l
57. sation because of perimenopause or because of any medications she s on and she needs a lot of vibration So you don t want to use more than you need mostly because you start to feel numb after a little bit Christi Okay Oprah Okay Anybody else in Austin Casie I have one OPRAH COM Page 36 of 61 OPRAH COM pds BESTLIFE series Your Sex Life Oprah Go ahead Casie Mine s a little less shocking We have preteens in our house and we re finding it increasingly difficult to have alone time in our house because our preteens stay up later than us Do you have any advice for us who have preteens in the house and are trying to work our way around it Dr Berman Yeah Well I think the first thing is not to be so freaked out about them having a concept of what you re doing I mean it doesn t mean that you need to give them details and what you re doing and say Okay honey good night We re going to make love now But Oprah That s too much information for preteens Dr Berman That s too much information But the first thing any parent should do is put a lock on their door and have their kids learn from an early age that sometimes Mommy and Daddy you know we love each other and we take private time from time to time And that should be an ongoing thing their whole lives You have a monitor in their room when they re young If they need you you can go to them But you lock that door and you give yourself that private tim
58. some fun in kind of nonthreatening ways And then if you re more adventurous and wanting to spice things up you can use my Mistress Kit which has some furry purple handcuffs and a little purple feather duster and a blindfold so you can sort of take turns tying each other up give each other massages or tickle each other or kiss each other or play with different food stuffs and have fun But I wouldn t introduce this first if he s a little bit wary I would introduce the other stuff Oprah Has anything interested you here Valerie I definitely have to get those panties Oprah Yeah I don t understand the whole tying up thing OPRAH COM Page 43 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeSTLIFe series Your Sex Life Dr Berman Yeah well for women especially there s this idea of surrender especially for women who are so in control all the time and they love the especially in the relationship Oprah Maybe that s why I don t understand the whole tying up thing Why would I want to be tied up Dr Berman Because you would give up the control You surrender Oprah Okay Dr Berman Your power And there s something very liberating releasing and exciting about that and you put yourself completely in your partner s hands Oprah Okay Okay You re going to try the panties though right Valerie Yeah Dr Berman Try the panties Oprah That s a good gift Valerie I have another question though Oprah Yeah go ahead guys Rusty
59. t he was aroused and had an erection and then the word horny came from that OPRAH COM Page 59 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeSTLIFe series Your Sex Life Oprah Oh okay I just wanted to know Dr Berman Yeah And women have owned it as well even though they don t have a horn per se when they Aida Oh Oprah So were you worried about being 53 and horny Aida What was that Oprah Were you worried about it Aida No no no You know I I see a friend and we talk about it and I m surprised I m the only one who feels this way Dr Berman Yeah that s probably just Aida No one seems to be doing it and I talk to male friends and and I tell the I m so in touch with my sexual part of me now I feel so sexually liberated And he says Wow that s great Oprah Yeah Because Aida And the problem is I get wet at the thought Oprah Finally you don t have to worry about getting pregnant Dr Berman Right Aida That s a good thing Dr Berman And you ve come into your own and you are probably feeling good about your body Aida I do Dr Berman and where you are in your life Embrace it baby Have fun Aida Thank you Thank you so much Oprah Thanks Aida So we re almost out of time and this has been very interesting Dr Berman You hung in there really well OPRAH COM Page 60 of 61 OPRAH COM pds BESTLIFE series Your Sex Life Oprah I really did And I ve done this
60. t s been all the way through Oprah Actually it was a generation ahead of me Gloria Steinem Dr Berman Right And now you re guiding Oprah And I get the benefits of that Dr Berman Right And now we have the menopausal this whole baby boomer generation moving through menopause and they re not going to take it sitting down They re going to figure out how to live their best lives through it Oprah Number 5 make sex a priority in 2009 with a weekly sex night Now this could change America This could really change America Dr Berman Oh yeah Yeah Oprah Yeah Dr Berman Put a lot of smiles on people s faces Oprah A weekly sex night Dr Berman At the minimum During the worst of times in the times you re most stressed don t let it go more than two weeks You want to are sex at least once a week And you want to make a date in pen in your calendar Be extra nice to each other Oprah That feels too predictable OPRAH COM Page 8 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeSTLIFe series Your Sex Life Dr Berman Yeah Oprah That feels too Dr Berman Right Because what we re used to is the fantasy in the beginning of the relationship it s easy for sex to happen spontaneously You can t get enough of each other Oprah Right Dr Berman But if you wait for that to happen in a long term relationship when you know each other s dirty laundry you have a mortgage you have kids you have distractions you have st
61. t say clitoris Now I don t know maybe I could say clitoris on the nightly news But 10 past years ago I couldn t Oprah I don t know if you could I don t know if you could Dr Berman I m saying it here Oprah I thought that was big that was really big Because actually one of the executives at ABC had called me about the the vibrators that we were doing on TV and I said Well you you re talking about the vibrators You missed the clitoris demonstration that we did He said What has happened to you Oprah OPRAH COM Page 4 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeSTLIFe series Your Sex Life Dr Berman With the clitoral pointer Oprah The clitoral pointer Dr Berman Yeah Oprah Okay So we re going to be explicit this evening Number 3 let s continue down the list Let go of all those negative Dr Berman Right And we put this on your website Oprah sexual messages you ve been holding Dr Berman We put up some great affirmations Because one of the things Oprah Which is easier said than done Dr Berman Absolutely Because we grow up we grow up with these messages that are overtly given to us verbally by our parents but even more subtly through example and through having our hand slapped away when we were exploring or being taught that sex was dirty or that nice girls don t or that they won t by the cow if they can get the milk for free Oprah That s why some women are 50 years old and older
62. t was called the Aphrodite Dr Berman That was the Aphrodite Oprah Okay Dr Berman That Dean was the look Dean s reading our minds Oprah Yes Dr Berman Look at this Oprah And that a year s supply that Amazon com had Dr Berman Well yeah my manufacturer had a year s supply at Amazon com and at the other places because they re sold all over the country sold out in four hours after your show So so the Aphrodite right now is on back order but Oprah I m just looking at that thing I just wonder is it necessary to be that big Dr Berman Well not necessarily The reason that I like this one for beginners and this is the one that I recommended for Luanne is that it s very strong and I m going to show you one in a minute that is very strong and much smaller The down side of this is you wouldn t necessarily use this easily during sex with a partner you know it s kind of big and cumbersome Oprah Yeah Dr Berman But it s something that kind of feels less threatening to women because it could be a back massager which some women use it as as well because there s a heated side Oprah Yeah OPRAH COM Page 25 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeSTLIFe series Your Sex Life Dr Berman It s strong Oprah It really is a back massager Dr Berman Yeah And it covers a large surface So the areas on a woman s vulva that are really sensitive are her clitoris her periurethra area the area around the ure
63. tasize as a woman about having sex with another woman it doesn t mean that you re a lesbian you know an if you fantasize about watching two men having sex and you find that arousing it doesn t say anything necessarily about who you are or about what your real life sexuality is about and how you want to express that Janet Okay My husband s totally okay with it by the way too He kind of laughed it off Dr Berman That s great Oprah He kind of laughs it off So do you share your fantasies with your husband You do Janet I will And happy birthday to you again Oprah Well thank you Thank you Janet Janet Thank you Oprah Aida is on the phone from Newark Aida I think you re going to be our last caller Go ahead Aida Yes hi Hi Oprah Dr Berman thank you for taking my call Oprah All right Aida Here s my situation I am 53 I am divorced but I find that I am I get horny a lot and I get wet easily So my question is is that normal Is it healthy Dr Berman Yeah It s great that you re 53 and that you still you know experience lubrication Aida Thank you Thank you Dr Berman That s that s a good sign about your hormone levels and about your sexual function I don t think there s anything wrong Oprah Where does the word horny come from Dr Berman You know I think it has to do with an erection and the idea of it being like a goat s horn or a horn on an animal and so when he had a horn tha
64. that it s sort of Oprah I love that her husband says I m in a silent movie Yvette Yeah he does say that Dr Berman So start off just like moaning Yvette Inaudible in a silent movie But we do the moaning we do the the things that you said I think he wants to take it to another level Dr Berman Right So have you ever watched porn with him Yvette Oh yeah we ve been together for over 20 years We ve Dr Berman So you ve seen what the women say on those movies Yvette Yes Dr Berman That s what he that s probably what he s wanting you to say Yvette Yeah OPRAH COM Page 51 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeSTLIFe series Your Sex Life Oprah That s what she s saying She s saying I feel ridiculous saying that Dr Berman Is that what it is Yvette Yes Yes I do That s you know we I think I mean I really feel like our sex life is great We have a great sex life the moaning and the it feels great But I know he s looking to take it to another level and I am having a really really hard time with that I just you know saying some of those really expressive crazy stuff Dr Berman What does it make you feel What s the story you have about what it would be saying about you Yvette Maybe I don t know I just Oprah Yeah you do Yvette I feel like he s going to judge me Maybe that he s going to judge me Dr Berman And what you re really afraid of is that you re
65. thra the inner labia and this covers a really large part It s not like a pinpoint It covers a really large area that s rich in nerve endings so that works that s why we call it the sure thing But it s really called the Aphrodite Oprah But now it s sold out Dr Berman At least for about six weeks to two months So it is sold out right now but we re going to show you other ones Oprah So that s sold out but Dr Berman brought a variety of vibrators from her own Berman Center Intimate Accessories line Dr Berman I did Oprah to show us tonight Dr Berman Thank you So you ready Oprah I am really fine Dr Berman All right So this is the one Oprah This is my last night I ve been jet lagged all week so and the inauguration starts and here I am with Dr Berman Talking vibrators Oprah Here we go Dr Berman So this is the Athena that is very strong also and very unthreatening and small so women lI use this a lot with beginners I give this to beginning self stimulators or women who have never had orgasms and it has all these different attachments you can put on top It s waterproof Oprah Yeah I like this because it s like a little perfume spray Dr Berman Yeah yeah it s a cute little thing and it s very strong and it covers a pretty wide you know for a small thing OPRAH COM Page 26 of 61 OPRAH COM pds BESTLIFE series Your Sex Life Oprah Hold it up so ever
66. timulation And then if you ve already found your G spot you re more an advanced G spot or you want that blended orgasm because remember there s three types of orgasm There s the clitoral ones which you would get with the Athena you know or the Aphrodite And there s the G spot ones which you would get with the this one And then there is the Adonis look at your face Oprah It looks like a cell phone and something combination Oh my gosh Dr Berman That s the next thing You just gave me a great idea Oprah What Dr Berman A cell phone that doubles as a vibrator I ll have to think about that one OPRAH COM Page 27 of 61 OPRAH COM pds BESTLIFE series Your Sex Life Oprah It looks like a cell phone Dr Berman Yeah it does This one has like seven different settings It s a very intense Oprah And how what is that I can t even tell which end is in Dr Berman All right So I m going to show you how it works This is the spot that stimulates the G spot This is the vagina It goes into the vagina Oprah Yeah Dr Berman And then there are these finger grooves so your clitoris is right here This is your vulva on the outside right And your clitoris is right here and you use these finger grooves to go up like this So this part is against your clitoris and labia and then you rock it back and forth so you re getting simultaneous and consistent G spot and clitoral stimulation So this one women go cr
67. ually not in your 30s It s usually in your late 40s into your 50s But if he s on any medications if he has any medical conditions if he s on antidepressants Oprah Blood pressure does it for a lot of guys Blood pressure Dr Berman Yeah So and if he s having any sexual response problems the first thing that will happen to a guy if he loses his erection one time you know or if he thinks there s even a chance he s going to have problems with function he ll shut down from sex completely rather than take a chance at failure So sometimes there s something else going on function wise that s then impacting on their sexual interests So I would definitely get him to see a urologist who specializes in sexual medicine and there are lots of those around Lots of urologists do that And get him you know a full workup to make sure everything s working well But look at those other factors too Heather Okay thank you Oprah Heather thank you So now Janet from Reno is on the phone Janet go for it Janet Hi Oprah Hi Dr Berman Oprah Hi Dr Berman Hi Janet How are you Oprah We re good We re good Janet Happy birthday Oprah Oprah Almost Almost OPRAH COM Page 57 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeESTLIFeE series Your Sex Life Janet What a privilege to be on the show Oprah Thank you Janet I m a happily married and straight 53 year old woman and I get sexually aroused just by thinking about men having s
68. ur diet and your economics and your health and you know your spirit and well being Oprah Your well being and spirit Dr Berman They re all fundamental But you can t leave your sex life Sex is such a basic part of your intimacy your emotional intimacy your connection to your partner It s the fiber that keeps the two of you together different from roommates and also for each of us individually it s such a fundamental part of who we are and when we get cut off from that everything else sort of gets unraveled as well Oprah Okay So we have people who are standing by for Skyping we re taking your calls and we have your e mails also live So if you have a specific question for Dr Berman about living your best sex life in 2009 you can e mail us your question on the right hand side of your computer screen or call us at this number that s right there on your screen 866 677 2496 You can do both actually To begin let s quickly recap the five steps to better sex that Dr Berman covered last week Here we go OPRAH COM Page 1 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeSTLIFe series Your Sex Life Dr Berman Here we go So the first one was to tell the truth Oprah Tell the truth Dr Berman And when we were talking about the show we were talking about the show we were talking about it in terms of not faking orgasm We heard Luanne s story who had been faking orgasm for over 25 years and that s not an uncommon story But it s also tel
69. well A lot of massages oils you wouldn t necessarily want to use a lubricant and a lot of lubricants you wouldn t necessarily want to use as a massage oil So the cool thing about this product is that it s not only warming kind of creates that tingling sensation but you can use two in one Use it for both Oprah All right Dr Berman And then so that s a good way to start These are just Liquibeads This is great for women who have dryness We were talking about dryness earlier This you put inside your vagina and it keeps you lubricated for up to four days so you don t have to keep reapplying it So this is a nonhormonal option that K Y also makes Oprah Mm hmm Dr Berman Another thing you might do is surprise him and I find that guys are always interested in this This is one product that I have in my line called Astraya but these are wireless remote control vibrating panties so you wear the panties they have a little vibrating bullet inside the crotch of the panties and then you go Honey I have a present for you and you give him the wireless remote control and then you tell him what it does and whenever he activates turns on the control it s going to stimulate you up to 12 feet away So you can go to Oprah So you re out to dinner with friends Dr Berman Yeah or at a boring cocktail party Oprah A boring cocktail party yeah Dr Berman So it s a way to kind of get playful and give him the control and have
70. wn your own sexuality and your sexual response and you have to be really explicit Men like directions Oprah Yeah they do Dr Berman They do They like a manual And so you have to be really explicit about what you want Oprah Dr Berman s foreplay map is available at Oprah com to help you start that conversation with your partner That foreplay map we were talking about that the other day a lot of that Dr Berman Yeah Oprah that really changed things for a lot of people Dr Berman It really did And it s such a great way to get the conversation started And one woman e mailed me and asked Okay what happens if it changes Oprah Yeah Dr Berman Tonight I give him this map but it does change from time to time That s the great thing Oprah Don t start on my ear Start on my nose Dr Berman Tonight I want my nose first But you have a blueprint to start with and you can make modifications or revisit the map or you can say Remember last time I liked my nose first Tonight I d really like this first So it s an ongoing conversation Oprah We were doing a show today live and Denis Leary was there and Gayle and Ali and Mark and we re talking about how Denis Leary had you know he was going to do this book he actually did this book called Why We Suck and he was going to do this whole chapter on why I sucked and then laughter and then he started watching the show and you know went to Oprah
71. work Luanne Thank you so much Oprah I know a lot of you have questions for Dr Berman so okay let s go to the phones Marsha from Toronto has a question You re up Marsha Marsh Hi Oprah Hi Dr Berman Dr Berman Hi Marsh My question about sex is that I m not having any and can not having sex affect my health in any way Oprah Laughter Marsha And do you recommend another outlet for the sexual energy that I m not using Dr Berman Yes and yes We know that a good sex life helps you with your cardiovascular health your immune system your depression your skeletal muscular health so it has tremendous health benefits not only for your physical health but for your mental health and for your body image and there has been some research in recent years to show that if you don t use it you can lose it So because you want in other words you want to keep the blood flow just like to every other part of your body through exercise you need to exercise your genitals as well You want to keep the blood flow going to that area so you keep the tissues strong and healthy you keep the lubrication going you keep everything healthy in your genital region So just from a physiologic standpoint not to mention as you say your sexual energy you want to have that continued release So I would definitely say if you don t have a partner you don t want to cut off from your sexuality You can still be sexual with someone you love the most
72. x Life Lisa Well first of all thank you for doing this series It s opened up quite quite a lot of conversations even among friends for the past couple weeks Oprah I m sure it has Really Lisa Yes Oprah Thank you Thank you Go ahead Lisa My question is let s say you get beyond the being a little scared about all this and you choose your sex toy How do you incorporate this into love making Do you Oprah I m with you Lisa Circle Tuesday night on the calendar as toy night Do you pull it out from underneath your pillow and say Let s try this Dr Berman Right Oprah Yeah Lisa What do you do next Oprah What s the language for it Dr Berman Yeah yeah Right What s the language Well I mean I think it s important it s helpful to talk about ahead of time Oprah Yes Dr Berman and I think what you re talking about is that you already know Oprah Dean s going to remove these Dr Berman Okay Oprah Thank you Dean Dr Berman You already know that you want to use them You ve talked about it So how do you do so spontaneously And I think any of the things you re talking about are good I also recommend just having a little drawer in your night table or a nice little box that you can put under your bed that s that s your toy box And so when you want it you can just sort of pull it out I have had some couples OPRAH COM Page 30 of 61 OPRAH COM odes BeSTLIFe series
73. ybody can see See it s like a perfume spray Dr Berman Yeah it s a cute little thing Oprah As opposed to carrying that around Dr Berman That Well you re not going to carry this in your purse no This and this is great too because you can incorporate it into love making So if you need most women who have orgasms during intercourse need clitoral stimulation during intercourse and this is a great way to get it Oprah Okay Dr Berman the Athena Now for women who want to have a G spot orgasm Oprah G spot orgasm Ooh Dr Berman A G spot orgasm Now this so if you to have a G spot orgasm and you ve never had one Oprah Which are for fare more intense and powerful Dr Berman Right And that you want to I recommend exploring the G spot on your own first before you try it during intercourse because it can be you know hard to find You want to experiment So you can do it manually by yourself or you can use a G spot stimulator which is curved So this is one in my line I have several of them But this one is called Paris and this one vibrates as well and so you would insert this into the vagina and this rubs against the G spot So when you ve hit the G spot you ll often feel the urge to urinate and that s because it s so close to the urethra where the urine comes out so it will it s stimulating the nerves there and that s a good sign you re in the right spot So this is a great way to explore G spot s
74. you know every night this has been a I have to tell you all I started on Monday I d just come back from Africa I ve said that at the beginning So I ve done working live shows during the day and then doing this at night and then so going to leave here you know and move on into the inauguration week So it s been pretty fascinating Dr Berman Pretty intense Oprah Pretty intense yeah Trying to take a nap during the day and today I didn t take a nap so Dr Berman And you got to talk about sex toys tonight Oprah And I got to talk about sex toys This is the day where I needed a nap okay It s literally burning the candle at both ends So if you saw me in the morning I ve been here all day this week So Dr Berman s New York Times best selling book is called Real Sex for Real Women and I really thanks to all of our callers and Skypers not just for tonight but all of you sexually liberated vibrant women and men calling in tonight I thank you But for all week beginning on Monday with Bob and then Tuesday Dr Oz and then our spiritual counselors on Wednesday and Suze Orman last night it s just really been great It s one of my favorite things to do in the world to be able to reach out to this community of people and offer information that hopefully will lead you to having a better life So if you want to experience this class again or tell a friend who missed it this is one to tell a friend about Our webcast will ye

Your Best Sex Life with Dr. Laura Berman

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