the book - Kristina Lane Relationship Coaching
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1. e But wouldn t that be hurtful to the other person Ask yourself if adhering to these rules makes you and your guy happy What if your ideas of good and bad didn t have to be set in stone What if you could banish the guilt and embrace the love that men want to give you What if your moral rules are holding you back See what happens if you lift them temporarily Experimenting is everything 11 SECRET 5 Men As Home Appliances If It s Not Working It Could Be Broken Or You May Be Pressing The Wrong Buttons Do you feel like your guy or guys in general mistreat you don t appreciating you enough or act as jerks and morons i Ov For years that s how I d feel about guys most of p the time It sometimes vaguely occurred to me that I was contributing to the relationship fiascos but I d brush away those ideas Looking back I am not surprised anymore that all those relationships ended in drama and pain I was doing the same thing again and again and it s amazing that I somehow expected a different result Imagine you bought a washing machine and it s not functioning properly You throw it out buy a new one and the same thing happens Imagine you repeat this ten times Crazy isn t it And yet that s exactly what I was doing with guys I was pressing the same buttons every time And apparently those buttons were not working for me But instead of choosing to press other buttons I d just repl2. KRISTINA LANE Welcome to your first stop on the way to your Happy Ever After A Note From Kristina What if you could feel totally appreciated and loved _ What if you look up and catch your guy exuding his adoration for you What if the warmth coming out of his eyes was always in abundance What if you knew that no matter what you did he would be there for you This report will help you feel exactly that with your man And if there s no man in your life this report will help you find him You ll feel more empowered in dating finding a partner for life and turning around a sour relationship And those changes can happen fast I know because that s how it happened for me Less than a year before met my husband I was so lost in my insecurity and non existent communication skills I was successful in my studies three graduate degrees and a corporate career which required good communication skills but when it came to guys I felt like the stupidest least educated person in the entire world I was clueless For so many years I didn t feel appreciated cherished and loved by the men in my life Or sometimes there was no man Regardless I so often felt that all men were jerks And somehow at the same time I hoped to find a man who would make me happy I now know that that was a very tough task for any man I didn t know how to accept love or communicate my needs No matter how good the man in
3. 1 Date like crazy If you are in an exclusive relationship have tiny dates with men and even women around you Let the attention people give you help you feel secure and desired 2 Convert drama to romantic power When you fight do the grown up fighting which is not like fighting at all No sarcasm or accusations Just tell him what you feel and what you want 3 Let him drive Enjoy the energy that comes from him to you Forget about giving to him It would only make him feel feminine childish and it would make you feel 15 underappreciated or resentful It feels so much better to be on the receiving end Rethink what s moral and ethical If a rule you have does not make you happy drop it Even if it feels wrong It will feel right once you feel happier without it and make others around you feel happier as well If you are thinking of dropping a guy think of him as a washing machine that s not working Before giving up on him try pressing different buttons It s all in your hands You don t need luck to have the amazing relationship you always dreamed of You have all the power to inspire a man to be your perfect man and treat you like a queen And if you want more tips support and practice I look forward to knowing you better and helping you find your happy ever after in our coaching sessions Sign up for a FREE Security Building Session on www KristinaLaneRelationship
4. my life was I d eventually get angry and resentful I d store it all up for a while pretending that everything was fine and hoping that it would pass Then I d explode After each disaster I d start suspecting that there was something wrong with me and feel overwhelmed by fear that I d never have the love I hoped to get And then it all changed With a few secrets I learned I started calling the shots with men For so many women those secrets are no secrets at all But if you re like me your whole life may change from just a few insights The secrets opened me up to my future husband and helped me inspire him to propose to me after only three months of dating The secrets keep our relationship fresh after two years of marriage The secrets turned me from someone so lost and clueless to a woman in charge of her love life I want to share those secrets with you Tonight you may be preparing for tomorrow s corporate meeting or you may be a stay at home mom cleaning your kitchen after dinner while your husband and kids watch TV If youre unhappy and mulling over it in your head I know I can help No matter where you re now with your man or men or lack of men it can all change quickly You ll enter a virtuous cycle where you ll feel more and more comfortable with men which will make you more and more attractive to them which will make you feel even more secure which will just draw me
5. who d be able to tolerate me Most importantly while it s not a good idea to focus too much on desired outcomes grown up fighting is your best shot at getting those outcomes For me the best outcome of a grown up fight was inspiring my future husband to propose SECRET 3 Let Him Drive Ba How much do you do for guys a A S rg l I grew up in the Soviet Union where several SRS generations of women did everything around the house including washing their husbands socks by hand A bit extreme isn t it You probably do much less for your guy Well maybe you do his laundry but you sure use the washing machine Maybe you invited him for a dinner at your place because last time he cooked for you Maybe you never actually do anything for him but you make sure you remind him to take his tie when he travels And when you travel together you re the one keeping track of gates and boarding times After all hasn t feminism won Aren t we all equal Isn t it only natural that we women invite guys on dates and pay for dinner at least occasionally And besides if you don t do certain things they might never get done right What if you miss that plane because you did not bother to check the time Now let me ask you this How does it feel to do things for a guy even if it s just a reminder to not forget his passport or asking innocently which gate you should be going to Do you feel cherished and
6. Coaching com coaching Kristina www KristinaLaneRelattonsh pC oach ing com 16
7. ace the washing machine and expect better results So if you re on the cross roads of whether or not to be witha certain man whether it is at the end of three dates or after thirty years of marriage I want you to try pressing different buttons before announcing that this washing machine ts broken The relationship might start working You can t change a man but you can inspire him to change by changing your own words and actions And if it doesn t happen you have the greatest power of all the power to leave One thing that I don t want you to do is to go on a guilt trip about not using the right buttons 12 What happened happened The past doesn t define the future Had I pressed different buttons with some of my exes I might still be with one of them And that would be so much less amazing than what I have with my husband Before my husband my longest relationship lasted for four years Most of that time I felt unloved and resentful When a few years later realized how I had contributed to that disaster I actually felt power not guilt The realization that I was in charge that it s not some ill fate or moronic guys that were responsible for my unhappiness but that I have all the power in my hands made me feel elated and relieved I could now build something else I just needed to read the manual for the washing machine and practice pressing the recommended combination of buttons SECRET 6 Love Is Like Al
8. erwards Turns out that being a grown up is very different than shouting at my man Now looking back I think my understanding of how relationships work had been based on how relationships work in drama movies And it turns out life is not a movie You dont have to hold it in you don t have to shout there s a third option You can discuss all kinds of issues with your man and be serious and cry but remove the drama I call it grown up fighting but it actually doesn t look like fighting at all You tell your man how you feel what you want or don t want and you remove all sarcasm and smart things that you only want to say because they will make you look so sophisticated You stay vulnerable and open even if it means shaking all over You cry if you feel like it But you do not accuse or blame This is hard the first time you try it But just like getting a positive boost from a date or a store clerk not letting all your energy being sucked into a fight feels empowering And just like with dating you start getting some results soon For me one of the biggest boosts of the grown up fighting was that I started feeling more mature and wise hence the name grown up fighting Before I discovered grown up fighting I often felt like a child throwing a tantrum I d occasionally feel proud for making a particularly nasty and well argued remark but mostly I d just wonder where on earth would I ever find aman
9. gebra It Isn t A Miracle Or About Luck It s About Skills And Practice So where is that manual You may ask It s not that often that you go on a date and the guy shows up with a user manual And if you re married and ask your husband what he wants you to do differently you ll either get a polite Everything is great honey or something much less pleasant and no more useful And even if it is useful it may feel uncomfortable and painful It may feel like you re trying to drive and throw you into an insecurity vortex And if you re dating do you need to study a new manual for every new case That can be exhausting 13 The good news is there s pretty much just one manual one textbook that you need to study and follow up with practice As different as men seem to be youll get the same reactions from most of them if you press the same buttons For example if you accuse a man of anything he ll probably get defensive or shut down and most importantly it is unlikely that he ll change his behavior Even if you convince him to promise it to you So where do you get the manual There is a ton of books and programs and blogs out there They repeat each other a lot If you re reading this ebook you re probably familiar with some of the other books Which means you have the manual already What youre missing is the practice I encourage you to set up a free trial session with me Through practice role p
10. hink it s wrong For so many years I used all kinds of rules stemming from by ideas of good and evil I now realize that some of these rules stood between me and my happiness Here are some e IfI flirt with someone when I am not single I m being bad e IfI hada date with a guy I have to be completely sure that he and I aren t together before I can have a date with someone else Otherwise I am cheating e Ihave to be nice to my date or boyfriend or husband and do my share of planning paying doing work around the house etc I d secretly want him to do much more but believed that that was unattainable or immoral e IfI m in love with the man I should stay by his side even if he s neglecting me especially if he s in some kind of trouble 10 Those rules didn t make me happy Neither did my adherence to these rules make the men in my life happy I d feel trapped in a relationship unfulfilled and not getting what I deserved And he would feel like there was just no way he could make me happy and that s pretty much intolerable for any guy Once I dropped those rules life was suddenly easier for both me and the men in my life Easier happier more fun From that perspective dropping those rules is way more moral and ethical So If your reaction to a piece of relationship advice is something like e I can t do it I m not an egoist e I can t do it I m nota slut
11. ible Try to drink in as much adoration and desire from this guy as he ll give you Even if you know from the first minute you see him that he s not the one you might still have a great time you might even want to go with him on a few more dates And that power and confidence that you ll receive will spill over into all other areas of your life You ll smile more more men will look for reasons to talk to you Before you know it it s raining men and they re getting better and better If youre in relationship or married are you still reading Thanks for staying patient Here is how everybody can date Treat every encounter with any man as a little date Whether it s a clerk in a grocery store or someone sitting next to you on a bus ora plane spend the next few minutes or the next few hours as if you re ona first date Flirting and receiving attention Your energy level and confidence will surge You don t have to be single to do this last bit I know a little flirting a smile a thank you to another man may feel like cheating on your guy For sure that s how I felt for most of my life And guess what That s just an assumption you make What if you did not have to feel that way More on morality in secret 4 For now just make a different assumption That your husband or boyfriend will feel drawn to you if he witnesses you flirting with someone And if he is not there when he sees yo
12. laying I ll help you feel comfortable talking to random people and your man We ll practice dialogues where I ll play the guy and coach you at the Same time AND I ll keep you accountable Just like that middle school teacher No matter how grave your situation feels right now you will feel less frustrated even after just one session And that will change your vibe and make you so much more attractive to men Sign up for a FREE Security Building Session at www KristinaLaneRelationshipCoaching com coaching 14 A Few More Words Tell me Do you feel frustrated with your love life Do you blame God universe bad luck guys A healthy happy committed happy ever after relationship and a great man in your life are not a miracle and do not happen due to luck There is a bit of luck but mostly it s knowledge and practice If youre not ina place you want to be yet or you feel that good men are not finding you nothing is wrong with you You simply don t know how to get there like once you didn t know how to read type or multiply Having a great man and a happy relationship is a skill you can learn by acquiring knowledge and by practicing It s no harder than the classes you took in middle school Even if it seems hard now Commit to learning and practicing and it all becomes fun soon And when you see the results on top of fun you feel the power These six secrets are steps to your solution
13. loved at this moment Or maybe you feel a bit resentful that you have to deal with a baby instead of a man I used to be the queen of not letting guys drive I initiated at least four different relationships I d of course have preferred that the guys were the initiators but I had such a brilliant excuse every time Oh he is just too intimidated by me I ll give hima little help and then he ll be so thankful and will totally give me all the love in the world NOPE This strategy did not work at all I d soon find myself locked in relationships where the guys no matter how sweet they were would just take me for granted In my extreme dating expedition one thing I tried differently is to stop helping men unless specifically asked to do so They got to plan the dates set times chose restaurants I wouldn t even look into the checks when they arrived Not doing anything may at first feel really hard Indeed surprisingly few guys appear to realize that in order to have a date they have to tell the girl at least two basic things when and where we are meeting How often I found myself two hours before the date not knowing where it was going to happen How tempting it was to write that innocent text So where are we meeting tonight NOPE It s on him to set things up and if he does not there are plenty others see secret 1 The best thing about this approach is that it s so relaxing You don
14. nin Love Kristina SECRET 1 Date Like Crazy Don t Skip Even If You re In A Relationship Or Married This Secret Will Be As Useful To You As To A Single Girl What if you could feel totally confident about how attractive you are What if men were just drawn to you While I d occasionally get approached I often felt totally unattractive and even invisible to men especially the men I was interested in And as for those who did approach I d sometimes give out my number but also I often felt angry with them for not satisfying my requirements And then there were those who seemed interesting and interested but would lose all interest so quickly What was possibly wrong with me Nothing It took me a long time to figure it out but it s not who we are that turns off guys but what we do It s often the vibe that we emit that can make a guy feel hypnotized by us or send him running About a year before I met my husband I had my first experience with online dating While I was getting dates I was not getting any second dates At least not with anyone I wanted to have a second date At first that made me feel sad and insecure Here s something I learned a few months into the process Dating isn t ONLY about numbers working for you the more you date the more likely you ll meet Mr Right It s also about what Rori Raye calls free therapy Once I started flirting with guys instead of having friendly or b
15. t have to worry about anything anymore Your guy will handle it And if not see secret 1 and secret 2 Now what if you re in a relationship If for so many years you were putting yourself in charge of arriving to the airport on time helping your husband drive the car giving him little massages The list can go on forever Maybe you re a woman for whom this approach works well But if you feel drained and underappreciated it probably doesnt Try dropping some of your responsibilities Next time you re leaving for the airport or a party tell your husband that you re ready but don t remind him that you ll be late if he does not hurry Maybe you ll miss that flight but you ll also have an adventure and you ll let him drive the car of your relationship So many women complain that they want their men to do more Here is a simple secret Do less yourself Open up that space for you man and he ll step in and if he does not see secret 5 If you want more insights into how to let the man drive while you feel powerful and secure if you want to know what to say to a man who wants you to drive I will practice all kinds of scenarios with you during our coaching sessions Sign up for a FREE Security Building Session at www KristinaLaneRelationshipCoaching com coaching SECRET 4 Rethink What s Moral amp Ethical Banish Guilt Are you afraid to date flirt or let your man do everything because you t
16. u later he ll feel your vibe change and will be inexplicably drawn to you without knowing what hit him SECRET 2 Convert Drama To Romantic Power Change The Fight Rules Do you feel like that jerk or those jerks will always stay the same That you need F to explain to your man how he mistreated you and maybe next time he ll do better Do you feel that no matter what you say youll end up in a nasty fight Would you rather hold itin For so long in my life I d ignore things I didn t appreciate about my men secretly collecting them in a special how could he do this drawer in my head And then inevitably that drawer would overflow and I d explode A few of these explosions and the relationship would be over It felt like a trap Damn if you complain damn if you don t Saying nothing and you suffer and brood Fight and you ll both suffer Fight a lot and that s the end of the relationship Here s another recurring desire revealed by guys online in addition to the want to be challenged They want no drama I d always feel a sting seeing the no drama requirement I felt inferior to those supposedly existing no drama women and I d be upset with the guys for not being able to handle the drama Can t they grow up and realize that life is not all fun that sometimes you have to have serious conversations that sometimes people shout at each other and use sarcasm and isn t it nice to make up aft
17. usiness y conversations I really started enjoying the whole process I was just sitting there in a caf or a restaurant throwing little challenges at the man drinking in his attention and enjoying his little discomforts and growing excitement Does it make mea bad person Well eventually my biggest victim was my now husband Indeed he occasionally complains how he felt in those days But mostly he tells me how incredibly happy he is So here s the thing enjoying yourself is not immoral And guys actually like the chase so even those little discomforts may feel quite wonderful to them More on morality in secret 4 When I just started dating online I was always perplexed by a phrase that many guys posted on their profiles They looked for a girl who would challenge them I so wondered at the time what they meant Did they actually want a girl to make them jump through the hoops Pretty much yes What if you feel that excitement of a man maybe even the man you know youre not interested in What if you put all judgment aside and enjoy the attention Youll feel so powerful so confident in your looks and charms It s almost addictive Even if you dread dating now you might find that you re looking forward to dates once you learn how to enjoy them One big thing here is to take a date for what it is For just an hour that you spend with a guy who you barely know try to have as much fun as poss
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