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`EASY DOES IT` this festive season - What is Al

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1. Sharing our experiences keeping hopeful and remaining faithful is not easy but as a slogan read in an insurance office says If it was easy anybody could do it Glimmers of light keep us going in the right direction Our first edition gave us lots of feedback and your contributions but sadly they are now drying up Are you putting off writing something for the magazine because you are too busy Because someone else should do it Because you intend to but think next week will do The next edition is due on 1st March 2015 and we want Al Anon Today to do its special part in helping to give inspiration and ideas to readers and loners who can t get to meetings Please send us your article You may like to write ina way to help doctors social services the police and the media become aware of how Al Anon can make an important contribution in the fight for recovery from alcoholism It has to be realised that AA is well known all over the world but far too many have never heard of Al Anon From us all on the Editorial Committee PLEASE SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS WITH US Deadline for next issue 1st February 2015 Contributions may be submitted by email to editor al anonuk org uk or by post to The Editor at the General Service Office Address You may choose how you sign your article with your own name anonymously or witha pseudonym but please note that your full name and contact details are required with your su
2. Keep it Simple it is often the simple things the small gestures which mean the most Maddie C The Gift of Al Anon Tt could well have been over 50 years ago that as a teenager went to my first Al Anon and open AA meeting What was shared at the meetings made very little sense to me as didn t have any real understanding of what alcoholism was about As far as was concerned both my father s drinking and then my brother s excessive drinking was not my problem but everyone else s The effects of growing up in an alcohol ic home were so negative and damaging that instead of the alcoholics doing a geographical cure was the one who moved thousands of miles away to try and get away from it all But guess what the effects of alcoholism and re lated problems just came with me My own personal journey to find Al Anon fi nally came about 30 years ago At long last was beginning to get the message but un fortunately as is sometimes the case soon became stuck in the victim mode and along with indulging in lots of self pity blamed ev eryone else for any problems had In the end it was a family crisis which made me pick up the phone to Al Anon didn t know where else to turn but recognised that needed help and as a result went to my first meeting in London in Sloane Square This time wasn t people pleasing but it was for my benefit and recovery The wisdom and tools o
3. er Power who only wants what is best for me This gift came during work on the Steps with my sponsor am now learning all about me in Step Four It s taken me 8 years in Al Anon before doing Step work and once upon a time would have mentally beat myself up for not being good enough and wasting time But today try hard not to and tell myself Good enough is good enough also have faith that this is all part of my High er Power s plan for me and that am at the beginning of my lifelong road of recovery Today s reminder Today will be grate ful for the life now have in recovery with the Twelve Steps of Al Anon will just glimpse back to remember what it used to be like before Al Anon At that time was so disfunctional and was totally unaware of it yet believed was almost al ways right fish are oblivious to the fact that they swim in water from From Survival to Recovery Growing Up in an Alcoholic Home f Louise D aN Amanda s Al Anonieme recently heard this on an speaker pod cast You can sit in the chicken shed all day but that doesn t make you a chicken How true we can t hope to recover without really working the programme So as we say at the end of my home meeting Keep coming back it works if you work it it won t if you don t so work it you re worth it Now say it again Amanda Area 6 Beaconsfield see more on page
4. a It s no laughing matter also effective for women in their 40s Could you repeat that said just the once W Amanda s Al Anonieme Let s face it recovery is a serious business We meet share read pray all with our focus on working the Steps and living a better and more fulfilled life So why is it then that in some meetings the person sharing although describing an event that really troubled them will start smiling and before we know it the whole room is laughing Could it be that part of the wonder of recovery is the ability to laugh at ourselves and for others to laugh along with us know that some of the things I ve experienced when retold really do sound like they re from a sitcom Perhaps like the time pre Al Anon when was so angry stormed out of a room and slammed the door only to have it bounce back open at me Of course felt had no option but to make my dramatic exit so slammed it again and then a third time only to have that door bounce open each time Even was laughing at that point especially when realised that the problem was the child safety guard at the top of the door Perhaps the advertising for the product should add that it s Have you ever noticed that in Al Anon there are some things that are too good to be First things first the tricky question of timing As newcomers we ve all had the p X same questions How will know who to ask to
5. 13 Too Many Irons in the Fire Annette s Story T have been in Al Anon since 1988 was married to an alcoholic but did not see that had a problem until he became violent after drinking whisky and when found out that he was unfaithful We had two young children and began to have a lot of problems through fear and anxiety The Al Anon meetings were very helpful and was relieved when he agreed to leave me It was better for the children who have now grown up well balanced and with understanding of the problems of alcoholism They remain affectionately close to me though living independently continued to attend the same Al Anon group that still stay close to today and found a sponsor who helped me to un P derstand how to work through the Twelve Steps During that time was able to run my own cleaning business to support my family have always been creative and artistic and when the opportunity came decided to study floristry was then offered the chance of running a garden centre It all went well for a time but had too many irons in the fire and slipped off the Al Anon programme The economic downturn caused a serious decline in business and when went back to meet ings again was praying hard to know what the Higher Power wanted me to do seemed to get the answer that should hang on and life was very difficult for a few years as struggled against th
6. Al Anon Today YOUR E LINK TO AL ANON UK amp IRE Glimmers of light keep us going in the right direction A www al anonuk org uk Winter 2014 READERS FORUM have your say Dear Editor have just read my online copy of Al Anon Today autumn issue and would like to say think the whole magazine just gets better with each new edition Please pass on my thanks to all the Editorial Committee for a wonderful tool to use in the Fellowship shall be printing many copies Trustee Dear Editor First of all want to thank you and the Editorial Committee for bringing us a magazine again It s great thank you so much for your service Id like to give some feedback com ments for your consideration You asked if we thought there were too many pictures Personally didn t notice any it was the written content focused on Perhaps more ink is used when printing a hardcopy if photos are included but images help break articles into individual pieces Do you have a preferred maximum word count for sub mission If so perhaps it could be mentioned in future issues Sadly the recent Alateen page was already out of date when published due to the inclusion of dates in the report Perhaps you could include a one ine sentence in future issues to advise contribu ors of cut off dates for submission of articles which include dates If you need anymore help getting the magazine out I m happy to help in w
7. al person only didn t know it Growing up in an alcoholic home affected me so much didn t know who was Al Anon is helping me to slowly discover the real me and wonder of wonders have a loving Higher Power to rely on J a very grateful member Suggestions for Meeting lopics Forgiveness Fear of the Alcoholic Future Love to Laugh share a smile and a joke Stinking Thinking Boundaries Enabling Came To Al Anon To Stop My Husband Drinking I came to Al Anon to stop my husband drinking My life was unmanageable was so unhappy constantly trying to fix and control him as well as other people places and things I thought I was responsible for everything and could solve almost everything In Al Anon heard members share that the programme gave them back their life Also being the child of a problem drinker struggled to identify with this I d never had a personality just merely existed So how could get back something I d never had Today l m so grateful that my husband s drinking resulted in my finding Al Anon and that he too has found the AA rooms hold hope that our children may also benefit from our recovery I ve also learnt that it is about me and must begin with me may not have previously known my likes dislikes or what beliefs held but for today accept that it is what it is and THAT S OK have been given the gift of a loving High
8. and my resentment get the better of me thought of something I d heard in my Al Anon meeting the week before Why do I keep doing the same thing acting the same way and expecting a different result made a vow that this Christmas would be different because would be different would swallow my pride try to accept the situation and make the best of it decided to focus on my children and not sideline my husband with my usual sighs and looks of disgust bit my tongue tried not to criticise and just let him sleep and join in when he wanted to I m not saying we had the perfect fam ily Christmas that year as it had got off to a very bad start but it was an awful lot better than previous years It gets better every year even take pride in finding a bargain Anon Al Anon is a Spiritual Programme When first came into these rooms al most three years ago was in the darkest of dark places had first heard of Al Anon almost twenty years previously but decid ed that didn t have time to waste on my self needed to stop the alcoholics from killing themselves first So almost twenty years later and with only one alcoholic still alive finally crawled into an Al Anon meeting not knowing what to expect Several things stayed with me following that first meeting to try six meetings be fore making my mind up if it was for me could take what liked and leave the rest and that God a Hig
9. bmission Your anonymity will be fully respected Articles from members present their personal views and experiences Opinions expressed herein are not to be attributed to Al Anon as a whole All sharings become the property of Al Anon Family Groups UK amp Eire Any photos used show models and not actual Al Anon members GENERAL SERVICE OFFICE Al Anon Family Groups UK and Eire 57B Great Suffolk Street London SE1 OBB Helpline 020 7403 0888 from 10am to 10pm Admin 020 7593 2070 E mail enquiries al anonuk org uk Website www al anonuk org uk The Members area can be accessed through the link at the top of each page of the website For other Information Services in the UK amp Republic of Ireland please see the website In Al Anon members do not give direction or advice to other members Instead they share their personal experiences and stories and invite other members to take what you like and leave the rest that is to determine for themselves what lesson they could apply to their own lives Keep it Simple Aswe approach the end of the year Keep It Simple is often the most challenging of Al Anon slogans to keep uppermost in our minds It sometimes feels as if the true spirit and meaning of Christmas is lost as commercialism takes over and overwhelms us No sooner are the sum mer holidays over than Christmas cards decorations Christmas food nibbles etc appear in the shop
10. e Alateens on Friday afternoon We had two Registered Alateen Group Sponsors at each Alateen Meeting at the Convention which is the same requirement for the Alateen Group Meetings Being an Alateen Group Sponsor is a rewarding Service position If you are over 21 years of age have been in Al Anon for over three years and not also a member of AA you could chat to your Sponsor and or an Alateen Group Sponsor about be ing screened The next step would be to phone GSO on the Admin Line for further details 020 7593 2070 Mary McG Alateen Convenor Southern National Convention X A The Serenity Prayer have been a member of Al Anon for 10 years or more So far my time with Al Anon has been spent usefully working on myself becoming the person should have been and not the person had become The first big decision took was to leave my alcoholic partner It was too much for me to watch this person slowly killing himself with alcohol The kind clever hardworking person fell in love with had turned into a monster It meant giving up my house friends financial security and nice life style Throughout the time since then Al Anon has been my constant partner Support came to me from Al Anon plus open AA meetings My sponsor and meetings in both fellowships en abled me to move on It has been the hardest challenge in life have had being honest with myself has been more than pain at times am
11. e odds My sponsor was upset at my situation and suggested should pray in a different way not insisting to continuing along the same path but examining my motives in hanging on doggedly to the difficult posi tion that was in It did not happen overnight but when I changed my prayer into one of surrender miracles began to happen was shown a way to leave it all behind and let go of my pride In due time an opportunity has come about with an offer to do the work really love concentrating on floristry alone Now my life is less fraught with anxiety and hardship and have an opportunity to follow my real calling continue to work the programme day by day attend my meeting and am truly grateful for the help receive asking in turn that may be helpful to others from an interview with Annette Isolation Isolation has been a big feature of my ife Between the ages of about 7 to 15 we ived in a small village a long way from my school so there was very little opportunity to socialise and we were also socially iso ated where we lived not really getting to now the local children think isolation is a big feature of the dis ease of alcoholism remember when was 14 or 15 years old made a conscious decision to be on my own This now strikes me as very sad At a time when friendships should have been deepening and new friend ships evolving chose to be alone and consciously cu
12. e sponsor have a busy life and cannot say that am always pleased when have the added responsibility of a service position But see how service is vital to keeping the pro gramme running and sometimes it is my turn to help out even if don t appreciate the benefits to me until later J P Oxford Sponsorship This is a subject that is sometimes glossed over in Al Anon Sponsorship is considered more important in AA where new members are needing support in order to remain sober or struggling to get sober Their families may believe that sobriety will put everything right When came to Al Anon didn t think needed any help As far as was con cerned all my life s problems were other people s fault They had made me unhappy and troubled and caused my life to be in a mess at the age of 35 was Twelve Stepped by someone very wise who could plainly see that Al Anon would help me At the willingly first meeting that went to un found a dozen people who were working at taking responsibility for their own lives They were working the same Twelve Step programme which had mis takenly thought was only for alcoholics It was a kind of Spiritual Awakening and with the help of my new sponsor worked through the Steps as continue to do For me the programme is a lifetime s journey and full of good friendships laughter and happy days on the way T D Home Counties
13. f Al Anon have been an integral part of my life for the past 25 years The meetings the literature ODAT Courage to Change and News amp Views have helped me over the years The slogans and especially the Serenity Prayer have even been shared and welcomed by non fellowship friends Just recently came across notes from a Chair had given on the topic Let go and let God used them whilst sitting by the hospital bedside of a 97 year old Al Anon friend who wasn t able to attend the funeral of her 67 year old daughter The miracle of Al Anon was that found this card with the notes inside my copy of Courage to Change Let go and let God and so many of the other slogans help me to let go of the past to try and let go of any hurt anger and resentment These negative feelings merely eat away in side me When let go and let God can hand over these feelings to my Higher Power and this makes space for positive thoughts of love and acceptance which all help towards my recovery Al Anon is truly a gift for which am eternally thankful Deirdre WISE SAYINGS FROM MEMBERS pan 9 n Ki IU I often sat in a hard chair when I could have satina comfortable one P Home Counties It is best to love everyone even though some are hard to like Anon Let Sleeping Dogs Lie It was two days before Christmas came home after shopping most of the day loaded down with parcels a
14. hatever way can d also like to submit a share for consideration inclusion as an article in a future issue Thanks or Jane a very grateful member Reply from Editorial Committee Thank you for your offer of help Jane all support would be welcomed especially with contributions We do not limit the word count for submissions but we appreciate a maximum of 750 words which would represent a page and a half otherwise some edit ing may be necessary which we prefer not to do The ideal length is 200 to 500 words A deadline date for future issues can usually be found on page 3 and is typically one month prior to publication Please email your comments to editor al anonuk org uk with the subject Readers Forum CONTENTS 2 Readers Forum 3 Letter from the Editor 4 Keep it simple 5 The Gift of Al Anon 6 Let Sleeping Dogs Lie 7 Al Anon isa Spiritual Programme 8 Suggestions for Meeting Topics 9 Came to Al Anon to Stop my Husband Drinking Amanda s Al Anon isms Too Many Irons in the Fire Anette s Story Isolation Enlightenment and Action Service Sponsorship Amanda s Al Anon isms Alateen at Southern National Convention The Serenity Prayer Statement of Purpose The Twelve Steps Letter from the Editor As our fourth edition of Al Anon Today goes on line we send you the Season s Greetings and best wishes for the New Year 2015
15. her Power and a Power Greater than Myself seemed to be men tioned a heck of a lot At that time described myself as an athe ist and internally recoiled at each men tion of God or a Higher Power If hadn t been on my knees wouldn t have used take what you like and leave the rest would have used the door instead How blessed was that without even knowing it I had a Higher Power and it was guiding me into a new way of life and a new way of thinking persevered with meetings understand that persevere is a controversial word to use but it is what did On some level had already accepted Step One long be fore ever heard it read out So when heard the Steps read aloud each week tried to keep an open mind about them I got a sponsor and she started to help me understand about Al Anon and the Steps told her about my lack of belief in God or anything outside of myself She told me that was okay to keep attending meetings to keep an open mind and that members of Al Anon use many different things as their Higher Power She helped me consider many things for use as my Higher Power She even men tioned synergy to help focus my mind when mentioned maybe trying to use the group as a Higher Power I thought I was keeping an open mind but in all honesty wasn t I was fooling myself it was open Initially used the group as my Higher Power Things started to happen for me worked Step T
16. hese steps we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs
17. in this way letting it go In Al Anon try to share my experience strength and hope as well as listen with care to others In this way can reach around the room and be part of the cre ation of a community of experience that not only breaks down the walls of my sense of isolation but even reaches across the boundary of isolation that so many who come to Al Anon bring with them and that is such a feature of this disease Elaine South West OVERHEARD AT A MEETING We are not here to see through each other we re here to see each other through 11 Enlightenment and Action Or how not to be a Martyr Our guide was telling us that in every pack there is an Alpha wolf the top dog and an Omega wolf the one who comes last in everything felt sad and uneasy when my husband and children turned as one to look at me with pitying smiles After had joined Al Anon and some time afterwards shared the following For me the path to recovery has been a long slow process Where have seen the most progress as least that can recognize s from doing service When first started chairing meetings felt that it was my responsibility to make cer tain that the meeting was a good meet ing Now know that all need to do is start and stop the meeting on time keep it progressing according to the meeting script and make certain to welcome the newcomers lam now perfectly comfortable simpl
18. nd food for the Christmas holiday There was my husband sprawled out in his favourite chair after a lunchtime ses sion obviously feeling no pain If l d have had just half the money he d spent on booze in the last few days enjoying the holiday spirit or should say spirits with his so called friends at the pub could ve saved myself a lot of time and aggrava tion by not having to traipse around the discount stores to try to make ends meet once again this year 4 e Why was it always like this every year seemed to be the same everything was put on me he couldn t even carry one bag in from the car How hated Christmas Even though was exhausted started banging things about in the hope that he would wake up Not a chance My resentment built and in my frustration started kicking the chair and eventually him until he stirred It was then of course the chaos started the usual horrendous fight with half of my purchases thrown against the wall Eventually he stormed out the door back to the pub presumed while lay sobbing in the bedroom realised that I d have to pull myself together before the children got home so went into the bathroom to wash my face Looking up into the mirror I hada moment of truth It was definitely not him who caused the fight this time it was me always blamed him for the fights but why couldn t just let sleeping dogs lie always seemed to let my temper
19. now out the other side and can look back at the unhealthy way lived my life My at titude to other people has changed for the bet ter Al Anon is in my life every minute of every day try todo my best to work the programme Nowadays Al Anon is my constant bible As my job is now fostering children the Twelve Steps are even more important believe they can work for us all To new members Welcome to our Fellowship You don t need years of experience just a touch of self honesty and BE GOOD TO YOURSELVES Use the Serenity Prayer if its words don t make sense it doesn t matter repeating them over and over again says it all and will surely give you your answers With gratitude to Al Anon Chris THE SERENITY PRAYER God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference Statement of Purpose Al Anon s Suggested Preamble to The Twelve Steps The Al Anon Family Groups are a fellowship of relatives and friends of alcoholics who share their experience strength and hope in order to solve their common problems We believe alcoholism is a family illness and that changed attitudes can aid recovery Al Anon is not allied with any sect denomination political entity organization or institution does not engage in any controversy neither endorses nor opposes any cause There are no dues for membership Al Anon is
20. s and the big sell starts Some people start filling up freezers stockpiling the mince pies and tins of sweets and buying endless stocking fillers This time of year can bring financial wor ries and can result in a crisis as we are encouraged to spend spend and spend Before we know it the budget is blown if there ever was one It is the time of year when we are expected to bring family and relatives together and everyone has to get on though an excess of alcohol can often fuel family tensions It takes courage to break the pattern and say sorry folks but this year we are having to cut back Do we really need to spend 25 or more on a present for Cousin Edith who we haven t heard from all year and we re not really that fond of Maybe this is the year to introduce Surprise Santa presents with a limit of 10 Maybe this is the year to draw lots as to who helps out in the kitchen who lays the table who brings wine snacks etc so that everyone helps out and it s not left to one or two people who end up too exhausted to enjoy the festivities themselves The spirit of Christmas is bringing joy to others who may well be alone and less fortunate than ourselves Encourage chil dren to enjoy the message of Christmas by showing an act of true kindness to someone else Do we really need all that food all those presents Within 24 hours it is all over it s just another day Try and
21. self supporting through its own voluntary contributions Al Anon has but one purpose to help families of alcoholics We do this by practising the Twelve Steps by welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics and by giving understanding and encouragement to the alcoholic UK amp Eire Service Manual 2011 page 6 The Twelve Steps 1 We admitted we were powerless over alcohol that our lives had become unmanageable 2 Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity 3 Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him 4 Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves 5 Admitted to God to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs 6 Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character 7 Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings 8 Made a list of all persons we had harmed 10 11 and became willing to make amends to hem all Made direct amends to such people wherever possible except when to do so would injure hem or others Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out 12 Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of t
22. sponsor me what will help me to work my Steps when will know I m ready The answer You ll know when you know Astonishingly it s true There s also the reassuringly sensible Live and let live which is a good thing really however judgemental or just plain murderous as we may have felt at times One of my favourites however is If nothing changes nothing changes Say it slowly pause for a while in the middle and let the thought settle Amanda Area 6 Beaconsfield Alateen at Southern National Convention September 2014 at Hayling Island Recovery Service and Unity The Alateen part of the weekend opened with a fun Getting to Know You Meeting There were Closed Alateen Meetings and a big Open Meeting where the Alateens sat on the platform and fully ran their own Alateen Meeting Alateens shared at Joint Platforms and Al Anon Meetings and read at the Spiritual Meeting The final Alateen Meeting was How has Alateen helped you The Alateen Meeting Room wall was decorated with five minute drawings by the Alateens on Recovery Service and Unity the triangle and circle and Gratitude We also had newly made Slogans by the Al Anon Convenor Some of the Alateens who attended have Home Alateen Groups Others just manage to attend Alateen Meetings at Conventions Some had been before and some were Newcomers and received lovely Newcomer Packs in coloured envelopes made up by th
23. t my self off from others remem ber thinking to myself just want to be alone Linked in with isolation is the concept of shame because think chose to isolate myself to protect me from feeling ashamed from people try ing to get close and seeing close into me What thought they would see don t re ally know but think as a child it is easy to act like a sponge and absorb the emotions around you so wasn t just experiencing my own shame but the shame of my par ents and my siblings This is a big burden Many other decisions have led to isola tion have never stayed in any job for any length of time maybe due to a sense of moving on before people see who am Coming to Al Anon has been an impor tant part of my healing journey Meet ings are safe in their structure so it is a less threatening step to take than it might be in another context but it still has the power to reach through the wall of isola tion around each person In a safe envi ronment it gives an opportunity to share very private thoughts and emotions sometimes for the very first time This can reach deep into the shame that isolation can seek to protect shine a light on it and reveal it to be something that is much less shameful than often feared Sometimes find real humour at this moment which is also a part of the power of the programme puncturing and dissolving the grip of the emotion that is being shared and
24. wo felt a real sense of TLARD I would rather live my life as if there is a discover there isn t one than live my life as if there isn t a God and die to find there is one 7 achievement having managed to fully accept the first two Steps Then started to study Step Three but my closed mind prevented me from taking Step Three There was no way was going to make a decision to turn my life or will over to the care of a group of people sat around a table One day on the way into our meeting my sponsor and were talking among other things she said to me Al Anon is a spiri tual programme After the meeting went home and thought about what she had said The penny finally dropped for me This wonderful programme has worked for countless people across the globe It wasn t going to change for me I was going to have to change for it would have to surrender to move on My self will and deep seated belief that there was nothing outside of myself would have to change if wanted to prog ress and recover Suddenly realised if could perceive of the help that the group and Al Anon was giving me maybe could perceive some other spiritual help immediately started acting as if Today can t tell you what my Higher Pow er is don t know myself know what it s not and it doesn t matter to me what it is as long as it works for me Today realise I ve always been a spiritu
25. y read ing the meeting script without any changes or embellishments also learned that when sign up for a service commitment am committing to making certain that it gets done and that doesn t always mean by me While would like to fulfill the responsibility as often as can there are times when can not In those instances just need to make 12 situation with my group There were four chops to be served and one of them was extra special large and succulent with a piece of kidney attached put it on my plate The fam ily spoke in unison saying That was the best one Mum To which replied yes know and from now on am having my fair share of the best things too Thank you Al Anon for the wonderful pro gramme and group sharing With your help am not the Omega creature in our family any more Anon Service certain that find someone else to fill in As a district treasurer one member complained about the time that it was taking me to de posit cheques that were given to me by the meetings At first was extremely uncom fortable with the thought that someone was unhappy with me but came to accept that was doing the job well enough and earned to be less affected by this person s disapproval t takes me a long time to get comfortable with people and by sharing the literature position for a meeting was able to get to now a person who later became my long tim

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